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31 Ways to get Arrested in the South
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13 Wonderpurr Black Cats
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Oh My Gravy! Weruva BFF OMG! ‘People Food for Cats’
4
Dori Makes Mooshine
5
Very Happily Ever After
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Belle ~ Forever in Our Hearts
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Learn to Speak Southern by Adorapurr
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Remembering a Salem Witch
9
How to Pet a Cat
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Last Day at Wonderpurr Carnival

31 Ways to get Arrested in the South

Hi pals, it’s me Dori! *wavy paws* Last week I taught you how to make Moo Shine. This week I want to teach you how to get arrested in the South…in case you want to but don’t know how.

So here goes!

In Alabama you can be arrested for keeping ice cream in your back pocket. Also, if you flick boogers into the wind, the law gonna come down on you hard.

In Arkansas it’s illegal to call the state Aw-kan-sass. Also, alligators are not allowed to live in your bathtub.

In Florida don’t go napping under a hair dryer while at the beauty salon. Also it’s against the law to have sex with a porcupine…unless you are a porcupine. (You don’t want to know how that law got passed, do you?)

In Georgia it’s illegal to tie a giraffe to a streetpost or keep your donkey in the bathtub. What is it with hoomons keeping animals in their bathtubs?

In Kentucky a wife must get her husband’s permission before she’s allowed to buy a hat. Also, you may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. Read More

13 Wonderpurr Black Cats

At my house, every day is Black Cat Appreciation Day. In my lifetime I’ve been blessed to have 13 amazing black cats cross my path, and I thank God every day that I’ve been lucky to know them.

So in honor of Black Cat Appreciation Day, I want to introduce you to my Lucky 13, plus three more black cats who have touched my heart.

My first cat arrived compliments of my Grandpa Guy when I was five. Like Herman, Frosty was a white Turkish Angora. Then we adopted a stray white short hair named Seymour. Two white cats that shaped my early love of cats.

Whisper was my first black cat.

After I moved into my own apartment my sister Janice decided I needed a cat for my birthday. Um. Late December isn’t exactly kitten season, but Janice found a tiny black kitten that I named Whisper. Whisper turned out to be a very sick kitty and almost died within days after I got him, but through persistence he lived to grow into a beautiful sleek and totally destructive little brat. The true fault was mine, keeping this spunky man cat in a small apartment. After two years I came to the conclusion he would be happier in a larger home, and I found him a new family. He went on to live Happily Ever After, but not without first leaving me with a true love of black cats.

Sami showed me how clever black cats can be.

Shortly after I moved into my Florida home, a feral stray by the name of Angel gave birth to numerous litters and would always dump them in my yard to feed and get vetted, while avoiding my attempts to have her spayed. One of the litters produced a spunky little girl that I named Sami. A true tomboy with a great sense of humor, Sami came with us when we moved to Kentucky. She was an outside cat, but decided one year to spend the winter inside. Buddy my tabby always slept draped over my left arm. I recall Sami wanted to sleep there, but Bud was adamant about not moving. Instead of giving up and sleeping at the bottom of the bed, Sami crawled onto my pillow, turned around and backed her bottom down between Buddy and I, where she snuggled in happily. Read More

Oh My Gravy! Weruva BFF OMG! ‘People Food for Cats’

Dear Hoomom’s and Hoodad’s:

Hi! It’s me, Dori! *wavy paws* International Cat Day was on August 8th and Happy Healthy Cat Month is in Septempurr, so now is the purrrfect time to address what matters most to us cats: FOOD!

Here at Wonderpurr Gang Central, the 13 of us (yep, we added two more mouths this past spring—OMG!) we are a diverse group with some of us being kinda picky eaters, fatty cattys, and some of us have fire pee—that’s what our fearless leader Herman calls urinary tract issues. Those issues are the three most common cat concerns among hoomons and Weruva refers to them as The Big 3 Cat Concerns.

When Weruva contacted my mom about the Wondepurr Gang trying out the new B.F.F. OMG (that stands for Best Feline Friend, Oh My Gravy) I immediately volunteered to do the review. I’d already heard about Weruva from Hwermie from when he was at Blogpaws in Las Vegas and had tummy troubles from being a jet set kitty. When Mom casually mentioned to the B.F.F. hoomons that Hwermie couldn’t poop, they sent up to his room several packages of Pumpkin Patch Up. After that everything went smoothly.

So, Weruva is now launching  B.F.F. OMG! – a luxurious, natural pet food dubbed “people food for cats.” It’s gluten, grain, and carrageenan-free cat food and it’s all about preventing the Big 3 Cat Concerns.

DORI: Mmmm! Ev-furrything smells so good!

FRANK: Whatcha got, Dori?

DORI: Weruva sent us a care package of B.F.F. Oh My Gravy! noms. I think I’m in loooove! Read More

Dori Makes Mooshine

Hi everyone! It’s me, Dori! *wavy paws* Today I want to share with yoo a recipe for making mooshine.

Mooshine is easy to make and is one of the most enjoyable ways to bweak the law. It takes hawdly any time to cook. Yoo can whip up a batch in a matter of minutes. Not only is mooshine a wefweshing beverage that pairs well with red meat, poultry and tuna pizza, yoo can also use it to make yoor lawnmower run.

First of all yoo will need a rustic mountain cabin with a great view for seeing if the gov’mint revenoo-ers are coming to shut down yoor still.

Second of all, you need a huge pot and a blazing fire to cook yoor mooshine.

Herman: Dori! OMC! You set the fire on top of a wooden table. You’re going to burn down the cabin.

Dori: Not to worry, Hwermie. The fire will burn out before the cabin burns down.

Herman: Why is your pot green? It looks like a toxic waste spill.

Dori: Not sure what that stuff is. Hopefully it will burn off. Anyway! Next my recipe calls for corn. My favorite is mew-vee poppy corn, but yoo can use the microwave stuff in a pinch.

Herman: Smells delicious.

Dori: It has extwa buttah. Next yoo will add sugar. My mom calls table sugar “white death” so in place of “white death” I will be using Jelly Bellies.

Herman: *sneaks several orange Jelly Bellies to nom.* Smells like something is burning inside that pot. *covers nose* Aren’t you supposed to add liquid? Like water?

Dori: *checks recipe* Oh! I forgot to add flowers. First yoo add yellow flowers.

Dori: And then you add pink flowers. Stir until thoroughly mixed.

Herman: I’m feeling a little light headed.

Dori: That’s what’s supposed to happen. Now yoo add more wood to the fire so the juice will bubble. This is where the mooshine starts to build it’s flavor.

Herman: Now I’m feeling nauseous.

Dori: Next yoo add the final ingredient.

Herman: What the—! A cow? Dori you can’t cook a whole cow!

Dori: She’s not cooking, Hwermie. She’s soaking to add flavor.

Herman: Looks like she’s doing more than adding flavor. She’s eating your popcorn, Jelly Bellies and flowers.

Dori: Oh no! Stop that, Bessie!

Herman: Just where did you get this recipe for moonshine?

Dori: *blink blink* I’m not making moon shine, Hwermie. I’m making moo shine!

THE END

 

Very Happily Ever After

A beautiful independent, self-assured princess named Adorapurr sat sunning herself beside a pond when a frog swam over to her.

“Greetings, fair maiden,” he said to her. “Let me introduce myself. My name is Freshour and I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me.”

Princess Adorapurr laughed. “I wasn’t borned yesterday. I’ve heard this one before.”

“It’s true!” the frog insisted. “The witch desired me, but she was ugly with buck teeth and a wart on her nose, so I turned her away. Alas! I’ve lived under this curse for too long. But there is hope.”

“Let me guess,” said the princess. “One kiss from me and you will turn back into a pwince.”

“Exactly!” Freshour exclaimed. “My, you are as intelligent as you are pretty. And your lisp is adorable. Not at all off-putting. Although I might suggest a speech therapist as lisps are reserved for children and sadly, it won’t become you at all after you’ve shed the first dew of youth.”

Princess Adorapurr’s jaw dropped slightly, but she had been brought up Royal so she didn’t tell him to hiss off, as she would have liked to do if she’d been brought up Common.

“After you kiss me and I turn back into a prince,” Freshour continued, “we shall be married and will live Happily Ever After in a huge castle with my mother.”

Adorapurr blinked. “Your mother?”

“Absolutely! And I will make you forever happy by allowing you to prepare for me culinary meals made to my specifications as I have a rather delicate gastrointestinal system. You may also clean my royal robes—by hand, mind you. No sending them out to the village dry cleaners. They do a horrible job! And, best of all, you may bear my children. I’m thinking twenty would assure my lineage carries far into the future. What do you think of that?”

Later that night, while Princess Adorapurr dined on frog legs, she laughed and said,

“I don’t fweakin’ think so!”

Belle ~ Forever in Our Hearts

One year ago today, my lovely bride Belle @Frankencat1, unexpectedly went Over the Rainbow Bridge. Belle had a mind of her own, and didn’t share with her parents or fur sibs, or even me her husband, about her plans. She just went. That’s the way she wanted to go.

A year later we continue to think of her, and mourn our loss.

Her daddy, David Brothers, is a talented jewelry designer and created a zipper pull in her memory.

You can have a Forever In Our Hearts pull for you own for $10 by clicking the photo that will take you to Four Paws Lifeline’s shop. All proceeds benefit Four Paws Lifeline, a 501(c)3 charity.

Four Paws Lifeline is a 501 (c)(3) non-profit organization. Our goal is to provide financial assistance to those pet owners who are not able to afford critical care or emergency veterinary care for their furry loved ones. We are here to offer hope in your pet’s darkest hour. We feel that their life should not depend on your ability to pay. Rushing a beloved pet to the emergency vet is stressful and full of fear. To delay treatment because of an inability to afford the treatment only prolongs the pet’s suffering. Often animals are surrendered or euthanized as a result of not being able to afford treatment, we are working towards a future where decisions about companion animal medical care need never be made on the basis of cost. Four Paws Lifeline was started to assist and to take the worry about money out of the equation.

David Brothers has an amazing selection of Handmade Gemstone Chakra charms that he sells to raise funds for Four Paws Lifeline. Please keep Four Paws Lifeline in mind for your next gift.

Our Wedding Day, June 23, 2013.

Learn to Speak Southern by Adorapurr

Hi everyone! It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws*

Like my purrrty dwess? *twirls*

Today I’d like to teach ya’ll how to speak Southern.

I was borned in Mississippi. That makes me a natural born Southern belle.

Here in the South we say things like:

Fixin’ to – when you are about to do something

Be back directly – Shortly, pretty soon, before long; adequate description of living on Southern time

Sit a spell – come sit down for a little while

Over yonder – over there

Precious – describing something cute…sometimes describing something pathetic

Bless her heart – phrase used by Southern women to excuse themselves for speaking ill of someone else. i.e “She’s so dumb, she could throw herself on the ground and miss… Bless her heart!”

Well, I’ll be – An exclamation of surprise.

ya’ll – A contraction best illustrated in this picture:

Anyway! I thought it might be fun for those of you not borned in the South to transcribe the following:

M R ducks

M R not ducks

O S A R

C M wangs

L I B

M R ducks

Now I will shake my paw at you if you hurry up and peek at my video translation before you make a worthy attempt to transcribe my Lesson on how to Speak Southern.

After you’ve given it an honest attempt…then you may view my video.

Thanks so much for playing along, pals!

Love ya’ll! Dori

 

 

Remembering a Salem Witch

July 19, 1692, three hundred and twenty five years ago, my ancestor Elizabeth Howe was accused of witchcraft and hung during the Salem Witch Trials. She was 57 years old at the time, married to a blind man and the mother of six daughters.

The transcripts of the trial have held my interest for most of my life, long before my father and sister became interested in genealogy and discovered our family connection to Elizabeth Howe. When I was in school, the books I read confused me with their liberal use of Puritan phrasing, so I relied heavily on the simple captions beneath the drawings for my information. My initial interest centered on the “fact” that there were real witches who were discovered and sent to hell by hanging. I was a Dark Shadow’s fan at the time, so I was seriously into vampires and witches, and all things paranormal.

My family vacationed in New England around that time and we made Salem, Massachusetts one of our stops. Unfortunately it was during late summer when the town was thick with tourists and storms were plentiful. My dad decided to opt out of exploring the touristy side of Salem, but I have a clear memory of rolling down the car window despite the rain, and staring up at the “witch statue” as we passed the Salem Witch Museum. It wasn’t until years later that I discovered the statue was of Roger Conant, Salem’s founder.

Salem Witch Trial Museum

Through the years my interest in the witch trials shifted from fascination with “real witches” to what horrors those falsely accused went through. The Puritans believed the devil was out to destroy them specifically, and their fight against him was one of individual religious responsibility. But what stood out in my mind was that most of the accusers of these men and women, were my age. Children! Children accusing adults of something horrific enough to end their lives!

A ten-year-old girl from the Perley family was Elizabeth’s main accuser, testifying that she felt pricked as if with pins when she saw Elizabeth, which caused her to have fits. The child’s parents didn’t believe their daughter at first, but records state they took her to “several doctors” all of whom said she had been was invaded by evil. There doesn’t seem to be further reference to what was wrong with the Perley girl, but clearly she was sick because over the next three years she “pined away to skin and bones”, and died.

Five more girls, ages 11, 12, 17, 19 and 21, came forward to support the Perley girl’s accusations against Elizabeth. The twelve year old, Ann Putnam, must have enjoyed the attention tremendously because her name appears over 400 times in the court documents and she is reported to have accused nineteen people of witchcraft, eleven of which she saw hung.

Ann Putnam putting on a show

Elizabeth was arrested on May 28, 1692 charged with “Sundry Acts of Witch-craft.” The warrant reads as follows:

To the Constable of Topsfield Your are in theyre Majestyes Names hereby Required to Apprehend & bring before us Elizabeth Howe the wife of James Howe if Topsfeild Husbandman on Tuesday next being the thirty first day of may about Ten of the Clock forenoone att the house: of Leut Nathaniell Ingersollsof Salem Village, Whoe stande Charged w’th Sundry Acts of Witch-craft done or Committed on the bodyes of Mary Walcott, Abigaill Williams & others of Salem Village, to theyr great hurt, in order to hir examination, Relating to the above s’d premises. & hereof you are nott to fayle. Dat’d. Salem. May. 28th. 1692/ In obedience to this warrant I have appreend [r] ed Elizabeth Howe the wife of Jems how on the 29th of may 1692 and have brought har unto the house of leftenant nathaniell engleson according too to the warrant as attested by me Ephraim Wildes constabell For the town of Topsfelld. Dated May 31st 1692.

Elizabeth was taken from her home to Boston where she was “bound with cords and irons for months, and subjected to insulting, unending examinations while prison officials and the jury assigned to her trial searched her for witch marks.” She was permitted the occasional visit from her daughters and blind husband who brought her “country butter, clean linen and comfort.”

Chaos in the courtroom

When her trial began on May 28th, chaos prevailed in the courtroom with her “afflicted” accusers throwing themselves on the ground with hysterical fits. Witness Samuel Parris wrote:

When Elizabeth Howe was brought in for examination Mercy Lewis and Mary Walcott, two of her main accusers, fell into a fit. She was accused by Mary of pinching and choking her in the month of May. Ann Putnam added her accusations to these by saying she had been hurt three times by Howe. When asked how she pled to the charges made against her, Elizabeth Howe boldly responded, “If it was the last moment I was to live, God knows I am innocent of any thing of this nature”.

Only three witnesses spoke on Elizabeth’s behalf, a minister, a family friend and her father-in-law, but the performance of her accusers far outweighed their voices and she was found guilty.

Public execution was considered the most severe punishment in Puritan Massachusetts, and convicted witches Elizabeth Howe, Rebecca Nurse (her sister-in-law), Sarah Good, Sarah Wildes and Susanna Martin were hanged on July 19, 1692 and buried in a crevice on Gallows Hill.

Photograph taken at the Salem Witch Trials Memorial located next to Old Burying Point Cemetery.

But what happened to the families of these accused witches? In 1709, the daughters of Elizabeth Howe joined a petition requesting their good names be restored, and to be financially compensated for their losses during the trials. In 1711 records show approximately 598 pounds was distributed among 22 survivors.

In today’s market, that would be approximately $913 or roughly $41.50 per person.

To read more about Elizabeth Howe, this is the link to her Wikipedia page.

How to Pet a Cat

As Jack is a Chronic Touch Me Not with Illusions of Feral Grandeur (even though he’s Peaches’ son and Jesse’s brother and has never been feral) Jack has been Voluntold to demonstrate how to pet a cat…from a cat’s purrr-spective!

Last Day at Wonderpurr Carnival

Hi Pals! Welcome back to the final day at our Wonderpurr Carnival. Dori and I appreciate everyone who participated in the fun.

Who’s here for today’s Carnival?

@SundanceTheKid

@Frankencat1 – Belle and her fursibs Elle, Dora, Neil and Slash

@ChazzTheDog1 and his roomie Viggo

@TweetingTruman

@OneInThere – Barley

@NoCryBabyDogs Daffy and her little sisfur Mitzi

@ThatStripeyCat’s sisfur Leia

@HRMeownessWills and his little sisfurs Katie and Abby

@BionicBasil

@ErintheCat1

@3Phibotticelli Sadie and Angel Phi

@MHMelbourne Greyson and Penny Lane

@ClingyCat – Jazz the Tort and Captain Worm-Sparrow the calico

@RoniTheBrat’s sister Bisi

Me Herman @TattleCat and @Adorapurr and our brother Opie

Let the Fun Begin!

Wheeeee! The Turbo is definitely a before-lunch-noms ride. Here’s Jazz, Barley, Sadie, Sundance, Daffy and me, Herman!!!

Truman and Mitzi try to run down Wills and Dori in the bumper cars. Look there’s Barley and Sadie in the background.

Dori dressed in her watermelon dress to ride with Wills and Chazz, her bestest furends.

Read More

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