2017

1
Kringle Chapter 9 Part 3
2
Kringle Chapter 9 Part 2
3
Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 7
4
Kringle Chapter 9 Part 1
5
Kringle Chapter 8 Part 3
6
A Wonderpurr Supawstars Spotlight Award
7
Kringle Chapter 8 Part 2
8
Kringle Chapter 8 Part 1
9
#SundaySelfie – Halloween Herman!!!
10
Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 6

Kringle Chapter 9 Part 3

With Christmas fast approaching, I thought why not ease you all into the spirit of the holiday with ten chapters from my novel, KRINGLE. Yes! Ten free chapters for you to enjoy running Monday through Thursday until November 16th. Hope you enjoy!

To catch up on the story I’ve added the Links to the end of this post.

~*~

Now I understood. I was married to her brother’s drug dealer. We hugged with mutual apology. “I’m at my wit’s end, too.” I rubbed my throbbing temples. “Last night I cut Kris’s Eve route and called his relatives to help deliver toys. I made it clear, if he doesn’t change, I walk.”

“Divorce?” Val’s expression looked like she’d won the lottery.

My gaze dropped to a pink-foiled candy beside her foot. Mom had sat there yesterday. She’d dropped a Pitter Pat: a rich smooth chocolate with a blended raspberry and Belgium buttercream ganache. Oh. My. God.

“Why did you mention Cubes?” Val asked. After Petra gave her theory on how Cubes provoked the elves to attack, Val covered her face. “They were in pain. I wanted to help.”

It hit me. “Your snowflake cookies were…”

“Iced with Cubes. I didn’t know it would mess with them.”

“I think the Cubes had a psychoemotional effect on the elves,” Petra said, “which triggered a personality change. Like LSD. Hm. I wonder if they produce psychosis, and flashbacks?” Read More

Kringle Chapter 9 Part 2

With Christmas fast approaching, I thought why not ease you all into the spirit of the holiday with ten chapters from my novel, KRINGLE. Yes! Ten free chapters for you to enjoy running Monday through Thursday until November 16th. Hope you enjoy!

To catch up on the story I’ve added the Links to the end of this post.

~*~

I was in the throes of a classic migraine with arcs of light shimmering in my right eye. I bit the head off a gingerbread man. “Then what did he say?”

Petra took my decapitated cookie. “Kris came to me as a worried father, not an employer bent on destroying a valued employee.” She chose her own cookie from the Official Taste Tester plate, white rimmed with black script.

Valda knocked it from her hand. “They’re drek. You’ll barf and ruin my reputation.” Today she wore red cashmere with the requisite plunging neckline. I wondered if her dates ever looked her direct in the eye.

“They’re fine,” Petra assured.

“Fine is mediocre. You think I’m a mediocre baker?”

“No. You’re an incredible baker.”

Petra’s reassurance didn’t appease the Queen of Baked Goods. Valda turned her hostility on me. “How long do you plan to do this to me? It’s impossible to find a decent sugar sub.”

The reindeer had been poisoned. I had been assaulted by sugar-crazed elves. I wanted it gone for good. “What problems are you having, besides taste?”

She consulted her notes. “Saccharin and cyclamate cause bladder cancer in lab rats, but… What if rats are genetically prone to cancer, and it isn’t the subs at all?” Read More

Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 7

Previously on Sherlock Herms: The Making of a Master Detective…

 Part 1.   Part 2.   Part 3.   Part 4.  Part 5.  Part 6.

“I am happy to answer your questions, Fergus. But I traveled here to learn about being a Master Detective from Sherlock Holmes, and you said you’d share your secrets with me.”

“With your time machine gone, we have all the time in the world.”

“I don’t think so. I’m worried, but not fweaked out. I think Mosey will return for me.”

“Is fweaked out similar to being balmy on the crumpet? You Time Travelers have strange words for everything! Do they still use the heliograph in your time? Has miasma been eliminated? Tell me they still make roly-poly in the future! I do so love roly-poly.”

Closing my eyes, I placed my chin on top of my paws. Charlie! Please hear me. I need you to rescue me. I don’t want to be stuck in 1894. I can’t eat their noms. I have a delicate tummy. And I don’t want to widdle in the flower bed, or learn a whole new language!”

As sleep threaded its way through my body, Fergus’s voice faded and the shade on the inside of my eyelids went from firey-orange to torpor-black.

I found myself in a dark place with no light…cuz it was dark. I felt a soft rug under my paws, and the space wasn’t hot or cold…just right. At first I didn’t smell anything, but then something familiar found its way into my nose and I breathed in deep.

“Charlie?” I whispurred. “Is that you?”

The smell grew stronger. I took comfort from its familiarity. Then I saw a tiny red light in the darkness, hurling toward me. And when it arrived it was still no bigger than a pin point laser, darting back and forth in an enticing way that made me want to spring from my crouch to catch it.

“Herman? Oh, Herman! I’m so relieved I’ve found you.”

“Mom? Mom! Is that you?”

“It’s me, Monkey Boy! I’ve been worried sick ever since Mosey returned without you.”

“I want to come home. Tell Mosey to come get me.”

The red dot settled on top of my left paw. “First, tell me how you got separated.”

“Mosey got into a fight with Fergus, this dog who lives with a guy named Doyle. Did you know Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character in a book? I’m still in shock. I—”

“Herman! Focus! This is important. Charlie tried to come, but you went back in time before he was born and he’s unable to reach you. It is my love for you that has made this communication possible. But I don’t know how long I have. I need to know what happened.” Read More

Kringle Chapter 9 Part 1

With Christmas fast approaching, I thought why not ease you all into the spirit of the holiday with ten chapters from my novel, KRINGLE. Yes! Ten free chapters for you to enjoy running Monday through Thursday until November 16th. Hope you enjoy!

To catch up on the story I’ve added the Links to the end of this post.

~*~

Accompanied by Joost’s big beat style drumming, Kris careened off walls and people as he stormed the East Wing corridor. Whatever Valda put in the figgy pudding had opened his eyes to the world and its ugly deceptions. Holly’s cutesy pocket note was the final straw. He wanted his Smooch back and he would get it, or there would be heck to pay.

A squeal broke his manic rant. Realizing he’d knocked the Décor & More committee’s head designer off her ladder, he caught her with profuse apologies.

“What do you think of my tribute to Brazil’s rainforest?” Jessica gestured to the sixty-foot kapok trees, waterfall, exotic ferns and thousands of butterflies.

Kris looked into the leafy canopy. A dozen capuchin monkeys gazed back. “What’s with everyone wanting monkeys? They’re worse than cats.” Joost nodded from his shoulder. Kris noticed one monkey gnawed on a bright yellow frog. “You brought in frogs?”

Jessica opened a box of assorted colors. “Just a few. For drama.”

The frog-eating monkey fell dead at her feet. Jessica screamed. Kris confiscated the box. “Drama we don’t need.” His stomach gurgled. Tasting sour metal, he hoped the figgy pudding wasn’t life-threatening. He didn’t have time to be sick, much less dead. Read More

Kringle Chapter 8 Part 3

With Christmas fast approaching, I thought why not ease you all into the spirit of the holiday with ten chapters from my novel, KRINGLE. Yes! Ten free chapters for you to enjoy running Monday through Thursday until November 16th. Hope you enjoy!

To catch up on the story I’ve added the Links to the end of this post.

~*~

“You’ve ruined PolarCap. You’ve killed Linders’ business.”

“If Santa didn’t marry you, you’d be nobody. You’d be a worker bee like us.”

“Even the Tattle wouldn’t hire you, you daughter of a troll.”

I had never been struck in my life, not even a childhood spanking. Humiliation warred with outrage. Had Polartown gone mad?

“Kringle Enterprises is doomed because of you.”

“Polartown is doomed.”

“Christmas is doomed.”

As someone screamed, Brannoc roared, “Have you lost your minds?” He knocked the elves aside, picked me up, and carried me to his office where I saw Dova in tears. It had been she who screamed. Read More

A Wonderpurr Supawstars Spotlight Award

What a Wonderpurr surprise! Miz Elise and Avery at KittyClysm awarded us with their Supawstars Spotlight Award. It is always an honor to have our work recognized, especially by those we admire. This award kinda makes me dressing up like a fweakin peacock worthwhile…almost.

Thank you so much KittyClysm. You’ve made our day!

Miz Elise wrote:

You can tell from the title of this blog it’s wonderful, can’t you? I wish I had more time this past month to stop by and browse through cat blogs I love because I would’ve commented on so many of Kim’s wonderful cat stories. She is an amazing storyteller, but honestly, I think she deserves an award for her pet photography alone! It’s all about those perfect moments she manages to capture on her camera. I mean look at this cute grumpiness – how the heck did she shoot those pictures so perfectly? And this perfection is not just a one off folks! She delivers on the crazy perfect pictures pretty much every time. Wonderpurr blogging right there, from start to finish!

Click to read post that won his award by KittyClysm

Kringle Chapter 8 Part 2

With Christmas fast approaching, I thought why not ease you all into the spirit of the holiday with ten chapters from my novel, KRINGLE. Yes! Ten free chapters for you to enjoy running Monday through Thursday until November 16th. Hope you enjoy!

To catch up on the story I’ve added the Links to the end of this post.

~*~

Hauling a triple-tiered coffee caddy, I hurried through Kringle Enterprises’ colossal atrium with its hundred-foot glass walls and ceiling. Amid potted evergreens and thousands of poinsettias, this year’s Adornment Committee exhibited dioramas of Hispanic Christmas celebrations. I would have liked to admire their efforts, but the doll workers were waiting.

“And you’re okay with your mother’s malarkey?” Despite his ill health, Dad was in fine voice this morning. Uncaring how far his outrage traveled. He shouted, “I knew you were behind her divorce nonsense.” That’s the gist of his character. If you disagree with him, you’re at fault.

I entered the hall of elevators, gleaming silver and gold. “Call me Switzerland. I’m staying neutral.” The doors opened to a crowded carriage. They squeezed to make room for me.

“Switzerland!” With no room for him, Dad hollered, “How can you stay neutral when your mother has destroyed our family? She’s fuc—” The doors shut.

“Sorry ’bout that,” I told my employees. “Dad’s having a bad day.”

“That’s understandable,” said Martee-Kay, “since your mom’s having a great day.”

I looked at my Wreath Supervisor. “She is?”

They all chorused, “Ohhh yahhh.”

It had been fifty minutes since I’d left Mom with red lipstick, wolf coat and a free latte. How great a day could she be having? Before I could get details, the doors opened. Read More

Kringle Chapter 8 Part 1

With Christmas fast approaching, I thought why not ease you all into the spirit of the holiday with ten chapters from my novel, KRINGLE. Yes! Ten free chapters for you to enjoy running Monday through Thursday until November 16th. Hope you enjoy!

To catch up on the story I’ve added the Links to the end of this post.

~*~

Perched atop Petra Lundegaard’s desk in Elfin Resources, Joost drummed an old-school rap pattern. Each beat increased the tension knotting every fiber in Kris’s being. He had come to think of Joost as Scrooge thought of Marley’s ghost: ‘an undigested bit of beef, blot of mustard, crumb of cheese, or fragment of an underdone potato.’ Nauseated by the penny-lemon coating his tongue, Kris shouted, “I’m Santa Claus, dammit. I know things. He’s guilty. Off with his head!”

Petra laughed. “Your accusation is idiotic. You chose Brannoc to replace Scotchie when he retires.”

Kris struggled to appear sane. “I haven’t made my final decision.”

She produced Brannoc’s promotion form with Kris’s signature. “I can’t imagine why you’re out to ruin him, unless it has to do with Candy’s engagement.” Holly hired Petra because she wasn’t besotted by the Kringle legend. He knew the moment he left, she would call his wife.

“Distract her with small talk,” Joost suggested.

Good idea. “I passed the Baked Goods department on my way here. Smells bad.”

Petra shrugged. “Holly’s Ban has Valda in a snit. The sugar substitutes aren’t to her liking.”

“I can understand why. The lemon is bad.”

“How do you know?”

“Val left a sugarless figgy pudding on my desk.”

Petra checked her day planner. “I didn’t receive notice you’re back on OTT.”

“It’s sugarless.” He saw Joost slice a finger across his throat. Read More

#SundaySelfie – Halloween Herman!!!

Hi pals! Sadly it’s that time of year again when our Moms and Dads think it’s “cute” to dress us in Halloween costumes.

Like we are really going to go door to door, begging.

Well, maybe my doggy furends might go begging, but I don’t know one member of the Finicky Feline Society who would beg inside their homes, much less go door to door.

With that said… *big sigh* Here’s my Sunday Selfie as a fweakin’ peacock.

P.S. Don’t you dare laff at me. I haz claws and know how to use them. Kinda. Sorta.

Herman: Hey Dori! Whatcha think of my Halloween costume? I’m a Peacock!

Dori: Can I be honest?

Herman: Well… I guess.

Dori: *whispurrs* Yoo look silly.

Herman: Mom said I looked cute.

Dori: Same thing!

Herman: *sighs* Happy Halloween, pals!

Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 6

Previously on Sherlock Herms: The Making of a Master Detective…

 Part 1.   Part 2.   Part 3.   Part 4.  Part 5.

Fergus stared at me with wide eyes. “Hello? Did you just wee on my master’s chair?”

My ears burned hot pink with embarrassment. “I-I did.”

“I would have excused you to the loo, if you had only asked,” the dog told me, his tone filled with shock and… perhaps a hint of amusement.

“You were fighting with Mosey. I didn’t know how to stop you from hurting each other.”

Fergus’s bushy white brows rose. “So you shook your tail onto the Jean Avisse signed hand-carved Bergère French armchair?” He rolled onto his back, barking out loud with laughter. “I’m liking you more and more, Herman.”

I felt relieved that Fergus wasn’t angry, but I also felt numb with worry. Mosey had freaked after being attacked by the dog and hightailed it out of the house…and out of this century, leaving me stranded in 1894.

What was I going to do? Was I doomed to remain in the past? What would Mom say when she found out I was missing? Would she think I’d run away? I felt my lower lip quiver as hot tears blurred my vision. I would never see my Mom again! Unable to stop them, tears rolled down my whiskers. I covered my eyes and sobbed into my paws. I didn’t care what Fergus thought of me. I was scared.

“Why did you fight with Mosey?”

I felt his paw awkwardly pat my back. “It’s a dog thing. You wouldn’t understand. There, there. You can live here with me. You can even share my bed by the fire.”

His niceness made me sob all the harder. “I miss my meowmy!”

Fergus led me back to his bed where he barked an order to Mrs. Gray to place more logs on the fire. Seeing I was upset, the housekeeper brought me a bowl of cream. Nice gesture but…

“I can’t drink milk. I’m lactose intolerable.”

Fergus and Mrs. Gray both crooked their heads to one side. “What is…lactose?” they asked in unison.

“Milk products,” I explained. “They make me frow up.”

Mrs. Gray quickly removed the bowl of cream. She already had the hand-carved Bergère French armchair to clean. Instead she fed me tiny morsels of a poultry product I didn’t recognize, but Fergus said was guinea fowl.

“Is it free-range? Organic?” I asked Mrs. Gray, who looked at Fergus with concern.

“Your guest has strange food requirements for a cat.”

“What is strange?” I asked them.

“Cats typically eat vermin,” she said. “Mice. Rats. Magpies. Squirrels. Pigeons. Doves. Rabbits.”

“Is Vermin a high-quality pet food company like Blue or Hills? Does Magpie come in both pate and kibble?” Read More

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