Adorapurr

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31 Ways to get Arrested in the South
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Oh My Gravy! Weruva BFF OMG! ‘People Food for Cats’
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Dori Makes Mooshine
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Very Happily Ever After
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Learn to Speak Southern by Adorapurr
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Carnival Fun at Wonderpurr.com
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True Confession: I Was Bamboozled by Slow Blinky Eyes
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The Lawn Ranger Rides
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#TheCatBall – We Figured It Out!
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Stories from The Whiner: Adult Defiance

31 Ways to get Arrested in the South

Hi pals, it’s me Dori! *wavy paws* Last week I taught you how to make Moo Shine. This week I want to teach you how to get arrested in the South…in case you want to but don’t know how.

So here goes!

In Alabama you can be arrested for keeping ice cream in your back pocket. Also, if you flick boogers into the wind, the law gonna come down on you hard.

In Arkansas it’s illegal to call the state Aw-kan-sass. Also, alligators are not allowed to live in your bathtub.

In Florida don’t go napping under a hair dryer while at the beauty salon. Also it’s against the law to have sex with a porcupine…unless you are a porcupine. (You don’t want to know how that law got passed, do you?)

In Georgia it’s illegal to tie a giraffe to a streetpost or keep your donkey in the bathtub. What is it with hoomons keeping animals in their bathtubs?

In Kentucky a wife must get her husband’s permission before she’s allowed to buy a hat. Also, you may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. Read More

Oh My Gravy! Weruva BFF OMG! ‘People Food for Cats’

Dear Hoomom’s and Hoodad’s:

Hi! It’s me, Dori! *wavy paws* International Cat Day was on August 8th and Happy Healthy Cat Month is in Septempurr, so now is the purrrfect time to address what matters most to us cats: FOOD!

Here at Wonderpurr Gang Central, the 13 of us (yep, we added two more mouths this past spring—OMG!) we are a diverse group with some of us being kinda picky eaters, fatty cattys, and some of us have fire pee—that’s what our fearless leader Herman calls urinary tract issues. Those issues are the three most common cat concerns among hoomons and Weruva refers to them as The Big 3 Cat Concerns.

When Weruva contacted my mom about the Wondepurr Gang trying out the new B.F.F. OMG (that stands for Best Feline Friend, Oh My Gravy) I immediately volunteered to do the review. I’d already heard about Weruva from Hwermie from when he was at Blogpaws in Las Vegas and had tummy troubles from being a jet set kitty. When Mom casually mentioned to the B.F.F. hoomons that Hwermie couldn’t poop, they sent up to his room several packages of Pumpkin Patch Up. After that everything went smoothly.

So, Weruva is now launching  B.F.F. OMG! – a luxurious, natural pet food dubbed “people food for cats.” It’s gluten, grain, and carrageenan-free cat food and it’s all about preventing the Big 3 Cat Concerns.

DORI: Mmmm! Ev-furrything smells so good!

FRANK: Whatcha got, Dori?

DORI: Weruva sent us a care package of B.F.F. Oh My Gravy! noms. I think I’m in loooove! Read More

Dori Makes Mooshine

Hi everyone! It’s me, Dori! *wavy paws* Today I want to share with yoo a recipe for making mooshine.

Mooshine is easy to make and is one of the most enjoyable ways to bweak the law. It takes hawdly any time to cook. Yoo can whip up a batch in a matter of minutes. Not only is mooshine a wefweshing beverage that pairs well with red meat, poultry and tuna pizza, yoo can also use it to make yoor lawnmower run.

First of all yoo will need a rustic mountain cabin with a great view for seeing if the gov’mint revenoo-ers are coming to shut down yoor still.

Second of all, you need a huge pot and a blazing fire to cook yoor mooshine.

Herman: Dori! OMC! You set the fire on top of a wooden table. You’re going to burn down the cabin.

Dori: Not to worry, Hwermie. The fire will burn out before the cabin burns down.

Herman: Why is your pot green? It looks like a toxic waste spill.

Dori: Not sure what that stuff is. Hopefully it will burn off. Anyway! Next my recipe calls for corn. My favorite is mew-vee poppy corn, but yoo can use the microwave stuff in a pinch.

Herman: Smells delicious.

Dori: It has extwa buttah. Next yoo will add sugar. My mom calls table sugar “white death” so in place of “white death” I will be using Jelly Bellies.

Herman: *sneaks several orange Jelly Bellies to nom.* Smells like something is burning inside that pot. *covers nose* Aren’t you supposed to add liquid? Like water?

Dori: *checks recipe* Oh! I forgot to add flowers. First yoo add yellow flowers.

Dori: And then you add pink flowers. Stir until thoroughly mixed.

Herman: I’m feeling a little light headed.

Dori: That’s what’s supposed to happen. Now yoo add more wood to the fire so the juice will bubble. This is where the mooshine starts to build it’s flavor.

Herman: Now I’m feeling nauseous.

Dori: Next yoo add the final ingredient.

Herman: What the—! A cow? Dori you can’t cook a whole cow!

Dori: She’s not cooking, Hwermie. She’s soaking to add flavor.

Herman: Looks like she’s doing more than adding flavor. She’s eating your popcorn, Jelly Bellies and flowers.

Dori: Oh no! Stop that, Bessie!

Herman: Just where did you get this recipe for moonshine?

Dori: *blink blink* I’m not making moon shine, Hwermie. I’m making moo shine!

THE END

 

Very Happily Ever After

A beautiful independent, self-assured princess named Adorapurr sat sunning herself beside a pond when a frog swam over to her.

“Greetings, fair maiden,” he said to her. “Let me introduce myself. My name is Freshour and I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me.”

Princess Adorapurr laughed. “I wasn’t borned yesterday. I’ve heard this one before.”

“It’s true!” the frog insisted. “The witch desired me, but she was ugly with buck teeth and a wart on her nose, so I turned her away. Alas! I’ve lived under this curse for too long. But there is hope.”

“Let me guess,” said the princess. “One kiss from me and you will turn back into a pwince.”

“Exactly!” Freshour exclaimed. “My, you are as intelligent as you are pretty. And your lisp is adorable. Not at all off-putting. Although I might suggest a speech therapist as lisps are reserved for children and sadly, it won’t become you at all after you’ve shed the first dew of youth.”

Princess Adorapurr’s jaw dropped slightly, but she had been brought up Royal so she didn’t tell him to hiss off, as she would have liked to do if she’d been brought up Common.

“After you kiss me and I turn back into a prince,” Freshour continued, “we shall be married and will live Happily Ever After in a huge castle with my mother.”

Adorapurr blinked. “Your mother?”

“Absolutely! And I will make you forever happy by allowing you to prepare for me culinary meals made to my specifications as I have a rather delicate gastrointestinal system. You may also clean my royal robes—by hand, mind you. No sending them out to the village dry cleaners. They do a horrible job! And, best of all, you may bear my children. I’m thinking twenty would assure my lineage carries far into the future. What do you think of that?”

Later that night, while Princess Adorapurr dined on frog legs, she laughed and said,

“I don’t fweakin’ think so!”

Learn to Speak Southern by Adorapurr

Hi everyone! It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws*

Like my purrrty dwess? *twirls*

Today I’d like to teach ya’ll how to speak Southern.

I was borned in Mississippi. That makes me a natural born Southern belle.

Here in the South we say things like:

Fixin’ to – when you are about to do something

Be back directly – Shortly, pretty soon, before long; adequate description of living on Southern time

Sit a spell – come sit down for a little while

Over yonder – over there

Precious – describing something cute…sometimes describing something pathetic

Bless her heart – phrase used by Southern women to excuse themselves for speaking ill of someone else. i.e “She’s so dumb, she could throw herself on the ground and miss… Bless her heart!”

Well, I’ll be – An exclamation of surprise.

ya’ll – A contraction best illustrated in this picture:

Anyway! I thought it might be fun for those of you not borned in the South to transcribe the following:

M R ducks

M R not ducks

O S A R

C M wangs

L I B

M R ducks

Now I will shake my paw at you if you hurry up and peek at my video translation before you make a worthy attempt to transcribe my Lesson on how to Speak Southern.

After you’ve given it an honest attempt…then you may view my video.

Thanks so much for playing along, pals!

Love ya’ll! Dori

 

 

Carnival Fun at Wonderpurr.com

Hi Pals! It’s me, Dori *wavy paws* welcoming yoo to another beautiful day at our Wonderpurr Carnival. Can you smell the popcorn, corn dogs and fwied mouse noms dipped in cream (a request from Pwincess Erin.)

What do yoo love about Carnivals? I love the noms, of course, but I also love hanging out with my pals and having a wonderpurr time.

So who’s here for today’s Carnival?

@SundanceTheKid

@Frankencat1 – Belle & her fursibs Elle, Dora, Neil and Slash

@ChazzTheDog1 and his roomie Viggo

@TweetingTruman

@OneInThere – Barley

@NoCryBabyDogs Daffy and her little sisfur Mitzi

@ThatStripeyCat’s sisfur Leia

@HRMeownessWills and his little sisfur Katie

@BionicBasil

@ErintheCat1

@3Phibotticelli Sadie and Angel Phi

@MHMelbourne Greyson and Penny Lane

And the Wonderpurr Gang Herman @TattleCat, me @Adorapurr and Peaches, Opie and Candy.

Let the Fun Begin!

Bionic Basil, Princess Erin, Greyson and Penny Lane line up to get tickets. Uh oh…looks like HRMeownessWills is missing his little sisfur Katie who is napping inside the ticket booth.

 

Penny Lane and Greyson enjoy the Critter Go Round. Looks like Penny’s snail is faster than Greyson’s frog.

Everyone loves the Big Slide. Here’s Leia, Daffy, Basil and Erin. Uh oh, look out Basil. Daffy is coming down fast!

Read More

True Confession: I Was Bamboozled by Slow Blinky Eyes

Happy Wednesday, Furends! It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws* Today my chat is about my experience with a real live Cat Whispurrer.

Anyone who knows me knows I don’t easily meet new hoomons. To me, a Stranger Danger alert means I dive under the couch the moment someone who doesn’t smell like my mom or dad walks in the door.

No offense to those who like kitties, but you have to go a long way to win my trust, and up till now no one…NO ONE…has won me over except for my mom and dad.

So a couple Sundays ago when my daddy went out of town for a week on biz, I was expecting to have my mom all to myself…except for Hwermie, Opie, Peaches, Dori (wait–that’s me), Frank, Chauncie Marie, Jack, Jesse, Nikolas (my daddy), Gidget, Candy and Elly, my newest little sister, and Chevy the new outdoor kid. Yup! My mom all to myself.

Except that didn’t happen. About two hours after Dad left, I was on my way from the bedroom to the living room when the front door opened and in walked …

Read More

The Lawn Ranger Rides

Hi furends…It’s me, Dori, *wavy paws* welcoming you to another episode of Stories from The Whiner. I wasn’t borned yet when my pawrents lived on five acres in The Middle of Nowhere, Kentucky, so you will be devastated to know I will not be in these stories. I thought about suing, but Hwermie suggested I host this series. So for now, I’ve called off my lawyers.

The Story Behind the Story from The Whiner

Awhile back my pawrents left Florida because Dad got a job that actually paid enough for them to not only survive, but thrive. And by thriving…to Dad that meant going overboard on buying a house. Up until then they had been living inside a closet. So you might understand why he totally fweaked out and bought way more house than he and Mom needed. They only had 3 indoor kitties (Genny, Holly and Buddy) plus a six outdoor cats that they didn’t want to leave behind. It’s not like they needed a huge house like they do now with the feline explosion known world wide as The Wonderpurr Gang—-starring me, Dori. *wavy paws*

Anyway! Living in the country was fun at first. But then Mom realized that fun always came at a high price. Since she didn’t have a job or neighbors and had no one to vent to… she wrote a newsletter called The Whiner and sent it to anyone and everyone she’d ever known.

In this episode, you will remember my mom from the Sauerkraut Scandal in Adult Defiance. This time she’s been left unsupervised with heavy machinery. If you suspect wackiness will ensue…you’re right.

And now…The Lawn Ranger Rides. Read More

#TheCatBall – We Figured It Out!

Ever hear the saying, “Life is a Ball?”  At The Cat Ball company, the hoomons know what they’re talking about.

Mom brought home this big red ball from Blogpaws. She knew I would be the first to claim it, and I was!

DORI: MY SECRET HIDEAWAY. NOBODY GONNA KNOW I’M IN HERE.

MOM SEZ THIS IS THE CHRISTMAS CAT BALL. PHOOEY! I THINK IT’S WONDERPURR ALL YEAR ROUND!

I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MY CAT BALL, BUT I’M HUNGRY. I WONDER…DOES THE CAT BALL COMPANY PROVIDE NOM DELIVERY?

OPIE: FINALLY! I THOUGHT DORI WOULD NEVER LEAVE! OHHH. THIS IS SO COZY. AND BEST OF ALL, NO ONE CAN SEE ME.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN’ AT? THIS IS MINE!

THIS CAT BALL IS PROBABLY THE COZIEST CATPARTMENT I’VE EVER ENJOYED. SOFT. SNUGGILY. THE PURRFECT SIZE, EVEN FOR A BIG BOY LIKE ME!

The Christmas Cat Ball® is an adorable special edition cat bed for your kitty. The Cat Ball designers paired crimson red panne velvet with cute calico cotton and added a white fur trim to each of the openings. The result is a totally cute Christmas cat cave to place under your tree…or on your bed in the summertime!

The Cat Ball® is a hexagonal modern cat bed design made of six thick foam panels. Our original cat cave design has two openings, one larger than the other: the small one is about 6″ and the larger one is about 10″. The bed diameter is 17″, the height is about 16″.

The Cat Ball® cat bed is compressible, washable and cats from all around the world love it.

Dori and Opie love their Cat Ball. And Mom loves it because it’s made in the USA! And best of all, you can get it on sale right now at TheCatBall.com.

Stories from The Whiner: Adult Defiance

Hi, it’s me, Dori *wavy paws* with another Story from The Whiner, a newsletter my mom used to write about her fish-out-of-water experiences of being a girl from the suburbs living in the country. Apparently there is a trick to doing it…and my parents were both severely clueless.

In this episode my Mom, Kimberley Koz, proves it is indeed possible to Age Without Brains. And now…Adult Defiance. Read More

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