Herman TattleCat

1
Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 4
2
Meow Go Blue!
3
Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 3
4
Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 2
5
Winner of Finding Mya Book
6
Happy 1st Day of Autumn
7
Sherlock Herms in… The Making of a Master Detective
8
Finding Mya’s 3rd Anniversary
9
Sherlock Herms in Farewell to Summer
10
Happy Read A Book Day

Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 4

Previously on Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 1Part 2. Part 3.

I don’t recall how I ended up in front of the fireplace warming my whiskers. There’s a good chance that after I heard the dog’s shocking news—I fainted. I know. Not very Master Detective behavior. But ex-cuuuuuse me! I’d just learned my hero had been murdered.

“You’ve done more than just missed Sherlock Holmes,” the dog had told me. “Sherlock Holmes is dead. Doyle killed him!”

The dog introduced himself as Fergus. Or maybe Farkus. Or … Fairrr-gus. He had a thick accent that was hard for my Ameowican ears to understand. Plus, I was in shock.

Sherlock Holmes was dead! As tears burned my eyes, I turned my back on the dog. I didn’t want him to see me sob my little heart out.

What would Watson do when he heard this tragic news? Would he track down the scoundrel Doyle to seek revenge? Would he give up detecting, go back to doctoring? Or… would he be in the market for a new Master Detective partner… like me?

I felt the dog’s paw on my back, petting me softly. “Yur takin’ the news a bit hard, laddie.”

“I c-can’t believe he’s… gone!” I wiped my eyes with my floofy tail, resisting the urge to blow my nose cuz… gross. “How did it happen? During his last case?”

The dog shocked me by laughing. “Well, it would be his last case since he died, wouldn’t it?” Read More

Meow Go Blue!

We are huge University of Michigan Wolverine football fans at my house. Every Caturday my Dad puts on his favorite U of M tee shirt and hat, and buys pizza noms. Then he rushes around getting weekend chores done so he can watch the game in peace.

Well, at my house “Peace” is relative what with Mom and the Wonderpurr Gang in constant motion complete with hissy fits between Gidget and Candy, Frank yelling at Chevy, and Dori climbing stuff that usually falls and breaks. Otherwise… it’s peaceful.

Today the University of Michigan is gonna pounce all over Michigan State. It’s the best in-state rivalry ev-ver.

Happy Caturday!

Herman!!!

 

Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 3

Previously on Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 1. Part 2.

I awoke to the sound of British accents, and found myself inside Mosey who had rolled into an alley for the night. Feeling a soft vibration beneath me, I realized he was still asleep, so I placed my chin on the tops of my paws to think.

I’d left Dori, Opie, Jack, and the rest of my W.A.D. team back in my attic office in order to find Sherlock Holmes and ask him to teach me to be a Master Detective like him. But I couldn’t find him, even when I typed 221B Baker Street, London, UK into Mosey’s control panel.

First I came to a restaurant named The Sherlock Holmes, and then Mosey took me to a museum wearing his name on Baker Street. The thing is, I couldn’t find 221B. Not even 221A! It’s like it disappeared.

I felt like a failure. But if I wanted to be a Master Detective I couldn’t give in to failure. I had to deduce like Holmes. What would he do if the address he wanted either seemed to have vanished… or didn’t exist in the first place?

I shook Mosey awake. “Let’s go investigate that museum.”

A crowd had gathered at the entrance with a guard at the door. He seemed like he knew stuff, so I asked him, “Where is the 221B address? I checked all the shops and it doesn’t exist.”

The guard laughed. “It’s a mystery even Holmes himself would struggle to solve.” Read More

Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 2

Previously on Sherlock Herms Master Detective – Part 1.

Mosey shivered, then quivered. And then he shook like a wet dog, all the while bouncing around my office. As the nylon tunnel glowed in the attic’s shadowy darkness, I watched it grow bigger … or maybe I was shrinking. Either way, Mosey rolled toward it.

“Haalllp!” Dori screamed, still determined to say her lines. “He’s being eaten!” And then she was gone. And Opie and Jack were gone. So was my desk, my interrogation corner, my piggy bank and collection of trucker magazines.

My ears hurt from the wind-whooshing sound that surrounded me, and the dazzling button lights on the control panel captivated me unlike catnip or any feathery toy I’d ever played with. But I now knew better not to stare. I got yelled at the first time.

As Mosey rocked and rolled from side to side, then flipped upside down, then right-side up, I hunkered under my mint chip cushion to ride it out. I wasn’t afraid. I felt exhilarated! I was going to meet Sherlock Holmes who would hopefully teach me to be a Master Detective just like him.

I just hoped Dr. Watson didn’t get upset and think I was trying to replace him as Holmes’ sidekick… although I wouldn’t say ‘no’ if Holmes asked.

Eventually the sound around me changed from whooshing to sucking, kinda like I was being squeezed from a tube of Laxatone.

POP!

When Mosey stopped shaking I threw aside the cushion to see we were rolling along a smooth pavement with dark shops lining the otherwise empty street on either side. It was nighttime, and the air smelled damp and foreign with a lingering odor of stinky fish. Read More

Winner of Finding Mya Book

Finding Mya CoverThree years ago this month me and my mom published our book, FINDING MYA – He Can’t Live Happily Ever After Without Her.

It’s a 5-Star book on Amazon.com, with the art work for picture map illustrations provided by our friend Mya Campbell who was 8-years-old at the time.

To celebrate, we decided to give away a copy. All you had to do was leave a comment to enter.

So, without further adieu…

THE WINNER IS…

TIMMY TOMCAT

In case you’re new to our blog and don’t know about FINDING MYA , here’s what the story is all about:

Eight-year-old Mya has a magical relationship with her grandma’s foster kitten, Herman. They can talk to each other. Not with words. With tickle thoughts! They plan to live together, but then the worst happens. Mya’s vacation ends and Herman is given to a woman whose dog treats cats like chew toys. He escapes danger, but the road to finding Mya is scary and tough. She promised to leave picture-maps along the way to her home. All Herman has to do is follow them and he will live Happily Ever After in her arms. It’s a wonderful plan. Too bad it goes wrong right from the start.

Here’s a scene from a chapter called DUMPSTER DIVING where raccoon brothers Danny and Huck teach me how to find food cuz I was starving. Read More

Happy 1st Day of Autumn

We did it! We suffered through Summertime 2017 and we survived! Not without a lot of growling and hissing cuz… hoomidity is poo poo. But that’s all behind us now.

To me Autumn means trees changing into their best finery of gold, orange and red. It means waiting for those leaves to fall on the ground so I can jump into them and make leaf angels.

Autumn means the aroma of pumpkins, cider, fresh hot donuts with a sprinkling of cinnamon sugar. The air is turning crisp and kinda peppery. And we get to have the windows open.

Octopurr is my favorite Autumn month. Hay rides. Corn mazes. Singing around a campfire while roasting marshymallows and telling spooky stories. Octopurr ends with the bestest holiday ev-ver… Halloween. So excited. Can’t wait to pick out my costume for this year’s trick or treating.

What does Autumn mean to you?

Happy Fall Ya’ll!

Herman!!!

Sherlock Herms in… The Making of a Master Detective

My name is Sherlock Herms. It is my business to know what others don’t know. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure my business is all in my head and I might be borderline schizo. I have no idea what’s going on.

As I lay in the dark on my attic office sofa, my mind replayed what I had to assume was a nightmare.

I’d dreamed we’d lost our home when I allowed a teevee celebrity ghost hunter named Ghost Guy into our house and he’d summoned enough demons to force us to flee. Okay. It was really Dori who did that, but I accept the blame. I could have scratched the dood and sent him on his way, but I didn’t.

We’d moved north to a town called Welcome Home located in the Mitten State. There I met a pretty ghost named Dottie Kiss who loved to wear polka dots and had been murdered by her sister Patty who buried her in a grave with their grandmother, Violet. When confronted with proof Patty retaliated by setting our new home on fire.

“This is your fault, Sherlock,” Dad had snarled at me in my dream. “If you hadn’t poked your pink nose into Patty Kiss’s business, our home wouldn’t be on fire. You’re responsible for this.”

“You took playing detective too far,” Peaches said and Chauncie Marie added, “What a failure you are, Herman.”

I’d buried my face in my paws while all around me were the sounds of my life going up in flames. “I never meant for this to happen,” I’d cried. “I didn’t want to be a purranormal detective, but everyone said I had to help Dottie.”

“You’re a failure,” Frank growled. “Because of you we are now homeless!”

Dori howled. “We are homeless. All because of yoo, Hwermie. All because of yoo!”

“All because of you, Herman,” Mom said, her voice heavy with grief. “All because of you!”

Sobbing my little heart out, I ran to my Guardian Angel, Charley Feeble. “The h-house is b-burning and everyone blames me,” I’d wept in my dream. “I didn’t know Patty would b-burn the house down. I didn’t know.” I pawed away my tears to look into his eyes, but what I saw wasn’t the kind squinty Charley eyes I’d come to know and love. Now his eyes were hard and angry.

“It is your fault,” he told me. “You messed up. You put your family in danger.”

“But I didn’t mean to,” I yowled, heartbroken that my mentor had also turned on me. “Oh Charley. Not you too. Everyone is mad at me. Nobody loves me any more.” As my family and Charley surrounded me with mad faces, I’d hid my face in my paws. “This is a nightmare! A horrible, horrible nightmare!”

I felt a kick to my shins and with a gasp I stared into the squinty eyes of my sweet little sister and partner in the Wonderpurr Detective Agency. “Just like hoomons…you dissy-point me, Hwermie.” Dori kicked me again, and punched my arm. Even in my dream she packed a wallop. “Yoo did a bad thing, Hwermie. Bad, Hwermie!”

As I watched her prepare for another roundhouse punch, I gasped and fell backwards. As I fell, I realized that I was falling into a deep dark pit, about six feet deep. There I lay looking up at the stormy sky at the top of the pit. As the faces of my family crowded around the opening, I realized I was not alone. I was inside the grave with Violet and Dottie, and both were wearing mad faces. Read More

Finding Mya’s 3rd Anniversary

Finding MyaThree years ago today me and my mom published our book, FINDING MYA – He Can’t Live Happily Ever After Without Her.

It’s a 5-Star book on Amazon.com, with the art work for picture map illustrations provided by our friend Mya Campbell who was 8-years-old at the time.

To celebrate, we are giving away a copy. All you have to do is leave a comment below to enter.

In case you’re new to our blog and don’t know about FINDING MYA , here’s what the story is all about:

Eight-year-old Mya has a magical relationship with her grandma’s foster kitten, Herman. They can talk to each other. Not with words. With tickle thoughts! They plan to live together, but then the worst happens. Mya’s vacation ends and Herman is given to a woman whose dog treats cats like chew toys. He escapes danger, but the road to finding Mya is scary and tough. She promised to leave picture-maps along the way to her home. All Herman has to do is follow them and he will live Happily Ever After in her arms. It’s a wonderful plan. Too bad it goes wrong right from the start.

Here’s a scene from a chapter called DUMPSTER DIVING where raccoon brothers Danny and Huck teach me how to find food cuz I was starving.

~5~

DUMPSTER DIVING

Herman shivered inside a hollow, dead log. One lousy beetle. That’s all he’d eaten in the two days since the weather had turned bitter-cold.

Nor had he found any of Mya’s picture-maps, making him worry that she had changed her mind about him living Happily Ever After with her.

He’d be a goner if she didn’t want him. Never to be cuddled. Never to be fed tuna noms. Never to find his missing purr. As his empty tummy tied itself into knots, he began to sob.

“You okay there, pallie boy?” A raccoon peeked in at him. Read More

Sherlock Herms in Farewell to Summer

Sherlock HermsHi Pals! Well, summer hiatus is over. Thank Cod! It was a long n hoomid summertime and frankly, I’m happy to wave buh bye!

My next Sherlock Herms Purranormal Mystery adventure will debute Friday, September 22nd. In past cases I’ve been plagued by self doubt and insecurities that I can ever measure up to being a master detective like Sherlock Holmes or a hardboiled detective with grit in his blood like Sam Spade. But no more! I’m taking control of my destiny–kicking tail and taking names!

For those of you who spent way too much time at the beach and had your memories singed by the sunshine, I’ve posted the final chapter from my last adventure below. It’s a cliffhanger…without the cliff. Although it’s got a scary grave in it somewhere.

Anyway! I’m looking forward to seeing all of you next Friday. Until then…

Have a Wonderpurr Week!

Previously on Sherlock Herms in Feral Informants.

Sherlock Herms in… Where There’s Smoke There’s Fire

Mom sighed as she disconnected her phone. “This ghost hunting career of yours has turned dangerous,” she said to me. “And I’m mad at myself that I’ve been too distracted setting up this bed and breakfast to notice what’s been happening right under my roof.”

“I’m getting out of the purranormal biz. At least I hope to,” I reassured as I led her downstairs and out the front door where Dori sat on the porch steps. “What did you find?”

Dori swiped a paw across her weepy eyes. “Nacho led me to Violet’s grave. He said Dottie is buried there, too.”

Mom abruptly went back inside. I wondered if she was nervous about what I’d asked her to do and needed to pee, or was backing out of our plan to trap Dottie’s killer in a confession. But then she returned with scissors and a large shopping tote that smelled like bread. As she snipped several yellow Julia Child roses from the nearby bushes she said, “Crawl inside the tote, under the bread loaves. Patty Kiss claims to be allergic to cats. She won’t allow me inside her home if she sees you.”

I pushed aside the crusty loaves to settle at the bottom of the tote. Dori climbed in beside me. As Mom carried us to the house next door, I whispered the plan to Dori. She seemed uncharacteristically subdued. “Hoomons can be so dissy-pointing.” I couldn’t agree more.

I heard Mom whisper, “It’s show time!” and ring the doorbell. A moment passed before the door opened and I heard Patty Kiss say to Mom, “What a surprise.”

“I was on my way home from the store,” Mom told her, “but when I saw how pretty my roses were, I cut a few for your home.”

“Thank you,” Patty said. “My grandmother planted those bushes years ago. But she never shared them with me.”

“Cuz yoo is a bad lady,” Dori whispered inside the tote, and I told her to Shhh. Read More

Happy Read A Book Day

Hi pals! It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws* Today we celebrate Weed a Book Day.

Herman: *ahem* It’s… Read a Book Day.

Dori: That’s what I said. Weed a Book Day. *rolls eyes* Pals, I’m hoping to inspire yoo to put down yoor phones and teevee remotes, and instead pick up a book. Papurr-back, hawd cover…even an e-book. It’s not mandatory for yoo to weed the whole fweakin story…just a chapter or two. Stimulating yoor bwain can go a long way toward making yoo smart. Inpurresting! And not a dwag on society cuz yoo only know stuff about them Kawdashy-ann bwroads wif da big booties.

Herman: Dori! That’s rude!

Dori: I’m not rood. I’m being troof-ful. They have big butts…and I cannot lie!

Herman: *paws over eyes* What is seen cannot be unseen.

Dori: I’m thinking our sisfur Candy is a Kawdashy-ann. She has a big bootie.

Herman:  Big booties have nothing to do with Read A Book Day. Can we get back on topic?

Dori: Ohhh-kay. *blink blink* I got nuffin. What do you want me to say? Read More

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