Always Adorapurr

1
Happy Birthday Dori!
2
You’ve Got Mail
3
Dori Sings The Broccoli Song
4
The Legend of the Peabody Ducks
5
Helping Dad Read the Sunday Mewspaper
6
Where Babies Come From
7
31 Ways to get Arrested in the South
8
Oh My Gravy! Weruva BFF OMG! ‘People Food for Cats’
9
Dori Makes Mooshine
10
Very Happily Ever After

You’ve Got Mail

Actually… yoo don’t got mail. I gotz mail. From a repawsentative of Chewy.com named Chester P. Sprinkles who lives with Chelsea W. who works there.

Hi Evfurrybuddy! It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws*

Chester saw my post Where Babies Come From and wrote me a fan letter. He even drawed a cute lil stork and made a Chewy box wif two kitties inside it.

I am so honored that Chester and his hoomom took the time to write to me. See, this is what my family loves about Chewy.com. They not only have a wonderpurr list of pet products, and of course the world’s greatest boxes…but they honestly care enough about their customers to interact with them.

How many times have you seen an Anipal posting a photo of flowers sent by Chewy after their fur baby has gone OTRB? Or sent a care package when a fur kid is feeling sick? Chewy.com cares. They like us. They weally weally like us!

We weren’t asked to promote Chewy in Where Babies Come From. We just wanted to pass the word that babies come in Chewy boxes. Cuz…they do. As yoo can see in Chester’s letter, that’s why kitties can never resist playing in Chewy boxes…cuz it was their furrrest memory! Explains everything!

 

Dori Sings The Broccoli Song

Hi ev-furryone! It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws* I want to sing a song for yoo. It’s about Broccoli.

I’ll eat beans and rice with pumpkin spice, but I won’t touch that broccoli
I’ll eat potatoes and steak in a pie or a cake, but I won’t touch that broccoli
And with ‘dem potatoes, I’ll eat some tomatoes, but I won’t touch that broccoli
‘Cuz I’ll eat apple pie with the peel and smile, but I won’t touch that broccoli
I’ll eat corn on the cob with a shish-ka-bob. but I won’t touch that broccoli
I’ll even eat some prunes that stick to my spoons, but I won’t touch that broccoli
But then my friends close their eyes …and they give it a try…and they don’t scream or cry..but they smile and sigh
So…I… Guess I’ll try that broccoli, yeah I’m-a-gonna try that broccoli. Yeah I guess I’ll try that broccoli
But not the brussels sprouts!

The Legend of the Peabody Ducks

The tradition of the ducks swimming in The Peabody Hotels famous fountain started in the 1930s when the General Manager of The Peabody – Frank Schutt – and his friend, Chip Barwick, returned from a hunting trip and thought it would be funny to release a few live duck decoys (yes, back in the 30s they used live ducks to lure wild ducks) in the beautiful fountain. The hotel guests loved seeing the ducks enjoying the fountain, and so began the tradition, still being practiced 90 years later in Peabody hotels all over the world with the ducks entering the lobby every day at 11a.m., and then returning home to their luxurious rooftop palace at 5pm.

The position of “Duckmaster” at the Peabody Memphis is the only such position in the world. Celebrities have also assumed the role of Honorary Duckmaster from time to time, including Zane Lamprey, Paula Deen, Joan Collins, Molly Ringwald, Kevin Bacon, Peter Frampton, Emeril Lagasse, Patrick Swayze, Queen Noor of Jordan, Oprah Winfrey and Gayle King, among others. Read More

Helping Dad Read the Sunday Mewspaper

Hi everyone! It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws* Today is Sunday, and my daddy likes to read his mewspaper while lying on my floor. So of course I want to be a part of his reading experience.

This is me, Dori, and my bestest sisfur, Candy, watching our daddy read his mewspaper.

Nothing beats the taste of nomming on fwesh mewsprint.

But then…my pleasure was diswrupted by my newest little sisfur, Elly. Everyone here thinks Elly is wonderpurr…except me and Gidget. We think she’s a thweat to our positions in the family. Read More

Where Babies Come From

Dori: Hwermie? Do yoo know where babies come from?

Herm: *startled* Why don’t you ask Mom?

Dori: So, yoo don’t know? That’s dissy pointing. I thought yoo knew ev’furrything.

Herm: Well, of course I know.

Dori: *blink blink* I’m waiting.

Herm: Well…

Dori: If yoo don’t know, tell me. Don’t bamboozy me with some fairy tale just to appear smarter.

Herm: I wouldn’t do that.

Dori: *checks watch* Forty seconds into the conversation and still no answers. Read More

31 Ways to get Arrested in the South

Hi pals, it’s me Dori! *wavy paws* Last week I taught you how to make Moo Shine. This week I want to teach you how to get arrested in the South…in case you want to but don’t know how.

So here goes!

In Alabama you can be arrested for keeping ice cream in your back pocket. Also, if you flick boogers into the wind, the law gonna come down on you hard.

In Arkansas it’s illegal to call the state Aw-kan-sass. Also, alligators are not allowed to live in your bathtub.

In Florida don’t go napping under a hair dryer while at the beauty salon. Also it’s against the law to have sex with a porcupine…unless you are a porcupine. (You don’t want to know how that law got passed, do you?)

In Georgia it’s illegal to tie a giraffe to a streetpost or keep your donkey in the bathtub. What is it with hoomons keeping animals in their bathtubs?

In Kentucky a wife must get her husband’s permission before she’s allowed to buy a hat. Also, you may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once. Read More

Oh My Gravy! Weruva BFF OMG! ‘People Food for Cats’

Dear Hoomom’s and Hoodad’s:

Hi! It’s me, Dori! *wavy paws* International Cat Day was on August 8th and Happy Healthy Cat Month is in Septempurr, so now is the purrrfect time to address what matters most to us cats: FOOD!

Here at Wonderpurr Gang Central, the 13 of us (yep, we added two more mouths this past spring—OMG!) we are a diverse group with some of us being kinda picky eaters, fatty cattys, and some of us have fire pee—that’s what our fearless leader Herman calls urinary tract issues. Those issues are the three most common cat concerns among hoomons and Weruva refers to them as The Big 3 Cat Concerns.

When Weruva contacted my mom about the Wondepurr Gang trying out the new B.F.F. OMG (that stands for Best Feline Friend, Oh My Gravy) I immediately volunteered to do the review. I’d already heard about Weruva from Hwermie from when he was at Blogpaws in Las Vegas and had tummy troubles from being a jet set kitty. When Mom casually mentioned to the B.F.F. hoomons that Hwermie couldn’t poop, they sent up to his room several packages of Pumpkin Patch Up. After that everything went smoothly.

So, Weruva is now launching  B.F.F. OMG! – a luxurious, natural pet food dubbed “people food for cats.” It’s gluten, grain, and carrageenan-free cat food and it’s all about preventing the Big 3 Cat Concerns.

DORI: Mmmm! Ev-furrything smells so good!

FRANK: Whatcha got, Dori?

DORI: Weruva sent us a care package of B.F.F. Oh My Gravy! noms. I think I’m in loooove! Read More

Dori Makes Mooshine

Hi everyone! It’s me, Dori! *wavy paws* Today I want to share with yoo a recipe for making mooshine.

Mooshine is easy to make and is one of the most enjoyable ways to bweak the law. It takes hawdly any time to cook. Yoo can whip up a batch in a matter of minutes. Not only is mooshine a wefweshing beverage that pairs well with red meat, poultry and tuna pizza, yoo can also use it to make yoor lawnmower run.

First of all yoo will need a rustic mountain cabin with a great view for seeing if the gov’mint revenoo-ers are coming to shut down yoor still.

Second of all, you need a huge pot and a blazing fire to cook yoor mooshine.

Herman: Dori! OMC! You set the fire on top of a wooden table. You’re going to burn down the cabin.

Dori: Not to worry, Hwermie. The fire will burn out before the cabin burns down.

Herman: Why is your pot green? It looks like a toxic waste spill.

Dori: Not sure what that stuff is. Hopefully it will burn off. Anyway! Next my recipe calls for corn. My favorite is mew-vee poppy corn, but yoo can use the microwave stuff in a pinch.

Herman: Smells delicious.

Dori: It has extwa buttah. Next yoo will add sugar. My mom calls table sugar “white death” so in place of “white death” I will be using Jelly Bellies.

Herman: *sneaks several orange Jelly Bellies to nom.* Smells like something is burning inside that pot. *covers nose* Aren’t you supposed to add liquid? Like water?

Dori: *checks recipe* Oh! I forgot to add flowers. First yoo add yellow flowers.

Dori: And then you add pink flowers. Stir until thoroughly mixed.

Herman: I’m feeling a little light headed.

Dori: That’s what’s supposed to happen. Now yoo add more wood to the fire so the juice will bubble. This is where the mooshine starts to build it’s flavor.

Herman: Now I’m feeling nauseous.

Dori: Next yoo add the final ingredient.

Herman: What the—! A cow? Dori you can’t cook a whole cow!

Dori: She’s not cooking, Hwermie. She’s soaking to add flavor.

Herman: Looks like she’s doing more than adding flavor. She’s eating your popcorn, Jelly Bellies and flowers.

Dori: Oh no! Stop that, Bessie!

Herman: Just where did you get this recipe for moonshine?

Dori: *blink blink* I’m not making moon shine, Hwermie. I’m making moo shine!

THE END

 

Very Happily Ever After

A beautiful independent, self-assured princess named Adorapurr sat sunning herself beside a pond when a frog swam over to her.

“Greetings, fair maiden,” he said to her. “Let me introduce myself. My name is Freshour and I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me.”

Princess Adorapurr laughed. “I wasn’t borned yesterday. I’ve heard this one before.”

“It’s true!” the frog insisted. “The witch desired me, but she was ugly with buck teeth and a wart on her nose, so I turned her away. Alas! I’ve lived under this curse for too long. But there is hope.”

“Let me guess,” said the princess. “One kiss from me and you will turn back into a pwince.”

“Exactly!” Freshour exclaimed. “My, you are as intelligent as you are pretty. And your lisp is adorable. Not at all off-putting. Although I might suggest a speech therapist as lisps are reserved for children and sadly, it won’t become you at all after you’ve shed the first dew of youth.”

Princess Adorapurr’s jaw dropped slightly, but she had been brought up Royal so she didn’t tell him to hiss off, as she would have liked to do if she’d been brought up Common.

“After you kiss me and I turn back into a prince,” Freshour continued, “we shall be married and will live Happily Ever After in a huge castle with my mother.”

Adorapurr blinked. “Your mother?”

“Absolutely! And I will make you forever happy by allowing you to prepare for me culinary meals made to my specifications as I have a rather delicate gastrointestinal system. You may also clean my royal robes—by hand, mind you. No sending them out to the village dry cleaners. They do a horrible job! And, best of all, you may bear my children. I’m thinking twenty would assure my lineage carries far into the future. What do you think of that?”

Later that night, while Princess Adorapurr dined on frog legs, she laughed and said,

“I don’t fweakin’ think so!”

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