Stories from The Whiner

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The Lawn Ranger Rides
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Stories from The Whiner: Adult Defiance
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Stories from The Whiner: Monkey Toss
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Sherlock Herms Has Gone to #Blogpaws

The Lawn Ranger Rides

Hi furends…It’s me, Dori, *wavy paws* welcoming you to another episode of Stories from The Whiner. I wasn’t borned yet when my pawrents lived on five acres in The Middle of Nowhere, Kentucky, so you will be devastated to know I will not be in these stories. I thought about suing, but Hwermie suggested I host this series. So for now, I’ve called off my lawyers.

The Story Behind the Story from The Whiner

Awhile back my pawrents left Florida because Dad got a job that actually paid enough for them to not only survive, but thrive. And by thriving…to Dad that meant going overboard on buying a house. Up until then they had been living inside a closet. So you might understand why he totally fweaked out and bought way more house than he and Mom needed. They only had 3 indoor kitties (Genny, Holly and Buddy) plus a six outdoor cats that they didn’t want to leave behind. It’s not like they needed a huge house like they do now with the feline explosion known world wide as The Wonderpurr Gang—-starring me, Dori. *wavy paws*

Anyway! Living in the country was fun at first. But then Mom realized that fun always came at a high price. Since she didn’t have a job or neighbors and had no one to vent to… she wrote a newsletter called The Whiner and sent it to anyone and everyone she’d ever known.

In this episode, you will remember my mom from the Sauerkraut Scandal in Adult Defiance. This time she’s been left unsupervised with heavy machinery. If you suspect wackiness will ensue…you’re right.

And now…The Lawn Ranger Rides. Read More

Stories from The Whiner: Adult Defiance

Hi, it’s me, Dori *wavy paws* with another Story from The Whiner, a newsletter my mom used to write about her fish-out-of-water experiences of being a girl from the suburbs living in the country. Apparently there is a trick to doing it…and my parents were both severely clueless.

In this episode my Mom, Kimberley Koz, proves it is indeed possible to Age Without Brains. And now…Adult Defiance. Read More

Stories from The Whiner: Monkey Toss

Welcome to a new series on Wonderpurr.com called Stories from The Whiner.

Hi, it’s me. Dori. *wavy paws* As I didn’t make my debut into The Wonderpurr Gang until a couple years ago, I wasn’t a part of the Whiner stories. I thought seriously about suing…but then Hwermie suggested I host this series. I may still sue…but until I can scrape together more than two huge quarters to hire a lawyer (think they cost four huge quarters) I’m stuck doing this gig.

Today’s episode features Buddy, the most wonderpurr tabby that ever graced Mom’s life–except for me!

Diagnosed with diabetes at age 10, he lived to be 22. He traveled everywhere with my parents cuz he needed insulin shots, but that didn’t slow him down. In fact, here’s a photo of me and Buddy taken shortly after I joined the family:

Awww, I was so pwecious!

Anyway! In this episode, a much younger Buddy–about age 8, teaches my Mom about having fun with things you find lying around the house. And now…Monkey Toss! Read More

Sherlock Herms Has Gone to #Blogpaws

“Digital EMF Meter… Check! 35mm camera… Check! Digital thermometer and Spirit Box… Check! Litter box, extra litter and pooper scooper… Check!”

“Hwermie! What are yoo doing?”

I glanced up from packing my suitcase to see my little sister Dori looking at me with huge worried eyes. “I’m leaving for Blogpaws next week. There’s a lot to do before we head out.”

She looked ready to cry. “But Hwermie! Dottie is weady to go through the doggy door portal. She needs to know she’s dead. Yoo can’t just zoom off to Blogpaws and leave her there. What if she fweaks out?”

I sighed. “Look, I meant to help her figure out she’s dead before I left for Blogpaws. But then Mom got a lecture gig at some writer’s conference and also a gig with a radio talk show over in Spain of all places. I kinda need her assistance to help Dottie with her issues. It’s not my fault we ran out of time. I was here at home doing my part as a purranormal investigator. If you have to be upset with anyone, be upset with Mom.”

Dori wrung her tabby tail with nervous paws. “Should I spray something?”

“NO! I… Look, honey. I’m sorry we can’t help Dottie this week. Or even next week… I–”

“Two whole weeks! That’s a lifetime in cat years!”

*pulls out pocket calendar* Actually, I can’t schedule Dottie’s problem until June 9th.”

I saw Dori stagger. “I think I’m gonna pass out,” she moaned, making me run to ease her to the floor. “We worked so hawd to get weaders to like us. Now they’re all gonna go away and never come back.”

“No, they won’t abandon us. They’ll be back.”

Dori began to sob. “Our readers might have Atten-Shun Deffy-Sit Dis-Odor. We need to post every week so they don’t fo’get us, Hwermie!” She flexed her claws. “If only I was born with fingers so I could type instead of being born with an amazingly beautiful face. Oh! The twials and twibulations of being born gorjus!” Read More

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