Hi pals! Herman here. Well, it’s getting old around here. I’m not talking bout my mom sliding into another year, kicking and screaming. I’m talking bout my little sisfur, Dori.
Two weeks ago I posted Dori’s story, Frank Saved My Life, about when she was nearly strangled by an evil vine in our yard, and Frank came to her rescue. Then, a week later, SHE DID IT AGAIN!
This time she actually jumped…or maybe fell over the fence. You know Dori. She excels in Clumsy. Anyway, she wasn’t supposed to even be in the yard. Mom said she couldn’t have yard privileges until next spring. But then Aunt Janeson and a few others came to her defense, saying maybe she should be given a second chance…blah blah blah. And Mom gave her that second chance.
Let me reassure you…after what went down last week, THERE ARE NO MORE SECOND CHANCES!
I will now turn the mic over to Dori who can finish telling you her story.
Dori: *takes mic* Thank yoo ah-gain, big brofur, for giving me the chance to speak about my near death experience.
As yoo may have heard, I have Attenshun Deffit-Sit Dis-Odor.
Herman: Cat’s don’t get ADD.
Dori: That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Anyway! I forgot I was supposed to keep all four paws on the ground. So when I saw my tabby brofur, Fwank, jump the fence… I thought, ‘Me too!’ However, I chose the highest place in the whole yawd to jump. Our fence backs up against the Grand Canyon, and…
Herman: No, it doesn’t.
Dori: I was there! Yoo’ve never been over that fence. Yoo don’t know what terror I saw, gazing down into that horry-ble gorge. I think it is so deep, it leads straight to Hell!
Herman: It’s a ten foot drop.
Dori: *eyes watering* Hell, I tell yoo! I saw da Devil and he smiled at me!
Herman: That’s our neighbor. He’s an actor.
Dori: Anyway, I lost balance and plummeted to my death! But I landed in bushes, and I stayed there until I heard the Devil calling for me.
Herman: That was Mom.
Dori: Satan is a master of disguises. He made himself look and sound like Mom.
Herman: I’m sure she will be thrilled to hear this.
Dori: I started to run back and forth along the fence. I had no idea where I was. The last time I was outside the yawd was when I was this many months old. *holds up three claws*
Herman: I understand Frank was with you the whole time.
Dori: The Devil’s minion, I tell yoo! I couldn’t take any chances. I’m too pwetty. Satan might want me for his evil pwincess!
Herman: I doubt that. I can’t picture an evil princess wearing a pink tutu and a tiara.
Dori: Are yoo saying you don’t think I’m pwetty enough to be Satan’s evil pwincess?
Herman: I’m saying you better wrap this up. You’ve got 50 words left.
Dori: Well, I took a chance and ran for the house with Satan who looked like Mom hot on my heels. There in the bushes was the Fwank minion. I was surrounded by Evil! I nearly passed out. Then, Satan gwabbed me and picked me up! I nearly fainted! And then Satan took me inside the house…
Herman: Let’s put our readers out of their misery by showing a short mewvee.
Herman: I overheard Mom telling Aunt Janeson that when she realized Dori was not in the yard, she ran out of the garage and saw Frank running toward her from the culvert. She followed him back where she found Dori freaking out in the bushes. Aunt Janeson said it’s getting to be a habit for Frank to rescue Dori, and that maybe Mom should change Frank’s name to Lassie.
And that’s a wrap for TattleCat Chat. Hope you all enjoy a Wonderpurr week!