How ironic that Wonderpurr.com is a finalist for a Blogpaws Nose to Nose award for Best Pet Humor Blog, and yet I felt anything but funny.
I sat on Frank’s hospital bed, clutching my floofy tail with worry. Dori, Opie, Candy and the other members of the Wonderpurr Gang were with me. While none of us wanted to be at the vet jail, we were there to surround Frank with healing purrs.
Thursday morning started out as usual with Frank jumping on the kitchen counter to “help” Mom fix breakfast. After he ate, he went outside to yell at Chevy, a young stray tabby who arrived a few days after Noah died in February. Of course! Mom’s a cat magnet and there is a waiting list for mempurrship to the Wonderpurr Gang.
After she convinced Frank to return inside, he saw a potted rose bush in the foyer that Dad put there because the nights had dipped back to freezing. Me and Mom were preoccupied trying to finish last Friday’s Sherlock Herms Purranormal Mystery when suddenly Frank started screaming. I thought he had a thorn in his paw, but the bush didn’t have thorns. When Mom picked him up and he screamed louder, she ran him to the closest animal hospital. His bladder was totally blocked. We never saw it coming.
Kim speaking: Maybe I did. I’d seen Frank licking himself for a week or so, but I was too busy to fully appreciate what was happening. Also, I’m ashamed to admit that the idea of taking Frank to the vet makes me want to avoid, procrastinate, stall and put off. Frank is a nightmare when it comes to car rides.
The first time I took Frank to the vet for neutering I didn’t realize I would also need to bring a bottle of Febreeze, two full rolls of paper toweling, three red biohazard waste cans and a hazmat suit. Frank works himself into an instant lather of stress and empties his body from both ends within seconds of me putting the vehicle into motion.
Putting him in a pet carrier only makes matters worse. I did that the first time and had to ask the receptionist for paper toweling to clean up the carrier—not to mention Frank himself was stinking to high heaven. So now I throw a huge tarp into the back of my van and while I drive, Frank freestyles, yowling and heaving and pooping and foaming at the mouth all the way there. I am always amazed that the cat has any bodily fluids left to repeat the performance on the way back home, but he does.
Herman: Will Frank be okay?
Kim: Yes. His kidneys weren’t damaged. Believe me I was a shaking mess of nerves while signing the admittance papers. Remember, I lost Kenny back in 2010 from a blocked bladder. I’d had him to the vet the day before but they didn’t catch the signs either (and yes I fired them). He had to be euthanized because his bladder had stretched too far and wouldn’t return to normal. I live with guilt over that, still.
Herman: What can we do, Mom, so this never happens to Opie or Jack or the others?
Kim: I have to make huge changes because what I’m currently doing is blinding me to the important things in life, namely you—my fur babies. If I hadn’t been stressing over a list of things I thought needed attention; if my routine was less chaotic, maybe I would have realized Frank needed to see the vet–STAT.
Herman: You do have the attention span of a squirrel on meth. Just saying… You easily distract— Oh look! A kitty!
Dori: Hi everyone. It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws*
Kim: My biggest problem is committing myself and then realizing that I’m overextended. Your Aunt Janeson told me to have I’ll have to check my calendar and get back to you tattooed on my forehead—so people will see it and not bother to ask me to do something in the first place.
Herman: I saw your latest To Do List in the trash.
Kim: Yes. I’m starting over. If I don’t see it, I easily forget it. The trouble starts when I look at the list and work myself into a Frank-like lather over getting it all done.
Dori: Be like Fwank…but without the gross spewing of bodily fluids.
Herman: Does starting over mean we aren’t writing any more stories?
Kim: No! I love to write stories. but posting a Sherlock Herms episode every Friday has become problematic for me.
Herman: It doesn’t help that we write the episodes off the top of our heads the week they are published. I told you we need to get ahead so if something like Frank’s emergency happens, we don’t have to fweak out cuz we still need to get the story written.
Dori: Not to mention cweate pikchures to enhance the story.
Kim: I understand our friends expect something to read when they visit our blog, and it is my intention to provide entertainment on Friday, but perhaps something a little lighter. There are times when there is so much going on at our house, my brain refuses to be creative. I don’t like to let our readers down, but I prefer to choose Quality over Quantity.
Dori: Yoo can only dip into a bag of Crunchy Cheetos just so many times before the cheesy goodness runs out.
Kim: Also, I tend to hyper focus to the point of being so engrossed in writing a story that I’m oblivious to other things around me.
Dori: Like yoor cats gnawing hungrily on yoor ankles before yoo notice its dark out and way past dinnertime.
Kim: Last year I was able to edit Four Paws and 31 Tales to benefit FourPawsLifeline.org, but I wasn’t able to publish one of my partially written novels. I’d like to finish one of those novels this year. Also, I’ve agreed to participate in a local writers mini-con in May, and my workshop on creating characters is still in the Post-It-Note stage. And then we are traveling to Michigan to celebrate Grammy’s 90th birthday.
Herman: Don’t forget we’re attending Blogpaws in May. Wonderpurr.com is up for a Nose-to-Nose award for Best Pet Humor Blog!
Kim: I also have cats. Lots and lots and lots of cats. You all need attention, and the only way to get it these days is to trip me like Dori does.
Dori: I twip because I care.
Kim: Frank’s near death this past week has shaken me out of my delusion that I can continue to burn my creative candle at both ends and everything will still be okay.
Herman: I have an idea. Let’s post our Sherlock Herms episodes every other Friday for awhile. That will give us time to take a deep breath and regroup.
Dori: It will also give yoo time to write spontaneous posts about Life with the Wonderpurr Gang that yoove regwetfully allowed to slip by over the past year. Such a shame! We are twuly an a-mewsing gwoup of kittehs.
Kim: Thank you for understanding. It’s always been my intention to entertain to the best of my ability. Like you said, maybe taking a little step back will help me to regroup.
Dori: Wish her luck. She’s gonna need it.
Herman: Please return next Friday for the next episode in our Sherlock Herms Purranormal Mysteries.
Dori: And please, have a Wonderpurr Day! *wavy paws*