Reality Bites, Sherlock Herms

How ironic that Wonderpurr.com is a finalist for a Blogpaws Nose to Nose award for Best Pet Humor Blog, and yet I felt anything but funny.

I sat on Frank’s hospital bed, clutching my floofy tail with worry. Dori, Opie, Candy and the other members of the Wonderpurr Gang were with me. While none of us wanted to be at the vet jail, we were there to surround Frank with healing purrs.

Thursday morning started out as usual with Frank jumping on the kitchen counter to “help” Mom fix breakfast. After he ate, he went outside to yell at Chevy, a young stray tabby who arrived a few days after Noah died in February. Of course! Mom’s a cat magnet and there is a waiting list for mempurrship to the Wonderpurr Gang.

After she convinced Frank to return inside, he saw a potted rose bush in the foyer that Dad put there because the nights had dipped back to freezing. Me and Mom were preoccupied trying to finish last Friday’s Sherlock Herms Purranormal Mystery when suddenly Frank started screaming. I thought he had a thorn in his paw, but the bush didn’t have thorns. When Mom picked him up and he screamed louder, she ran him to the closest animal hospital. His bladder was totally blocked. We never saw it coming.

Kim speaking: Maybe I did. I’d seen Frank licking himself for a week or so, but I was too busy to fully appreciate what was happening. Also, I’m ashamed to admit that the idea of taking Frank to the vet makes me want to avoid, procrastinate, stall and put off. Frank is a nightmare when it comes to car rides.

The first time I took Frank to the vet for neutering I didn’t realize I would also need to bring a bottle of Febreeze, two full rolls of paper toweling, three red biohazard waste cans and a hazmat suit. Frank works himself into an instant lather of stress and empties his body from both ends within seconds of me putting the vehicle into motion.

Putting him in a pet carrier only makes matters worse. I did that the first time and had to ask the receptionist for paper toweling to clean up the carrier—not to mention Frank himself was stinking to high heaven. So now I throw a huge tarp into the back of my van and while I drive, Frank freestyles, yowling and heaving and pooping and foaming at the mouth all the way there. I am always amazed that the cat has any bodily fluids left to repeat the performance on the way back home, but he does.

Herman: Will Frank be okay?

Kim: Yes. His kidneys weren’t damaged. Believe me I was a shaking mess of nerves while signing the admittance papers. Remember, I lost Kenny back in 2010 from a blocked bladder. I’d had him to the vet the day before but they didn’t catch the signs either (and yes I fired them). He had to be euthanized because his bladder had stretched too far and wouldn’t return to normal. I live with guilt over that, still.

Herman: What can we do, Mom, so this never happens to Opie or Jack or the others?

Kim: I have to make huge changes because what I’m currently doing is blinding me to the important things in life, namely you—my fur babies. If I hadn’t been stressing over a list of things I thought needed attention; if my routine was less chaotic, maybe I would have realized Frank needed to see the vet–STAT.

Herman: You do have the attention span of a squirrel on meth. Just saying… You easily distract— Oh look! A kitty!

Dori: Hi everyone. It’s me, Dori. *wavy paws*

Kim: My biggest problem is committing myself and then realizing that I’m overextended. Your Aunt Janeson told me to have I’ll have to check my calendar and get back to you tattooed on my forehead—so people will see it and not bother to ask me to do something in the first place.

Herman: I saw your latest To Do List in the trash.

Kim: Yes. I’m starting over. If I don’t see it, I easily forget it. The trouble starts when I look at the list and work myself into a Frank-like lather over getting it all done.

Dori: Be like Fwank…but without the gross spewing of bodily fluids.

Herman: Does starting over mean we aren’t writing any more stories?

Kim: No! I love to write stories. but posting a Sherlock Herms episode every Friday has become problematic for me.

Herman: It doesn’t help that we write the episodes off the top of our heads the week they are published. I told you we need to get ahead so if something like Frank’s emergency happens, we don’t have to fweak out cuz we still need to get the story written.

Dori: Not to mention cweate pikchures to enhance the story.

Kim: I understand our friends expect something to read when they visit our blog, and it is my intention to provide entertainment on Friday, but perhaps something a little lighter. There are times when there is so much going on at our house, my brain refuses to be creative. I don’t like to let our readers down, but I prefer to choose Quality over Quantity.

Dori: Yoo can only dip into a bag of Crunchy Cheetos just so many times before the cheesy goodness runs out.

Kim: Also, I tend to hyper focus to the point of being so engrossed in writing a story that I’m oblivious to other things around me.

Dori: Like yoor cats gnawing hungrily on yoor ankles before yoo notice its dark out and way past dinnertime.

Kim: Last year I was able to edit Four Paws and 31 Tales to benefit FourPawsLifeline.org, but I wasn’t able to publish one of my partially written novels. I’d like to finish one of those novels this year. Also, I’ve agreed to participate in a local writers mini-con in May, and my workshop on creating characters is still in the Post-It-Note stage. And then we are traveling to Michigan to celebrate Grammy’s 90th  birthday.

Herman: Don’t forget we’re attending Blogpaws in May. Wonderpurr.com is up for a Nose-to-Nose award for Best Pet Humor Blog!

Kim: I also have cats. Lots and lots and lots of cats. You all need attention, and the only way to get it these days is to trip me like Dori does.

Dori: I twip because I care.

Kim: Frank’s near death this past week has shaken me out of my delusion that I can continue to burn my creative candle at both ends and everything will still be okay.

Herman: I have an idea. Let’s post our Sherlock Herms episodes every other Friday for awhile.  That will give us time to take a deep breath and regroup.

Dori: It will also give yoo time to write spontaneous posts about Life with the Wonderpurr Gang that yoove regwetfully allowed to slip by over the past year. Such a shame! We are twuly an a-mewsing gwoup of kittehs.

Kim: Thank you for understanding. It’s always been my intention to entertain to the best of my ability. Like you said, maybe taking a little step back will help me to regroup.

Dori: Wish her luck. She’s gonna need it.

Herman: Please return next Friday for the next episode in our Sherlock Herms Purranormal Mysteries.

Dori: And please, have a Wonderpurr Day! *wavy paws*

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About the author

Herman TattleCat

26 Comments

  • We love to read your stories and about your kitties but it must never be something that stresses you out rather than a pleasure to write as well as to read. You look after Fwank (Dori gets to us!!) and all the others and we’ll gladly wait for the next instalment. Take care all, if London this week tells us anything it is to take joy in the now, Barney, Callie and Debbie🇬🇧

    • Hi Debbie, Barney and Callie — always nice to hear from mew! Mom has been eating stress for breakkie for awhile now, but she keeps thinking it will get better. But it doesnt So we agree with you. Choose pleasure over stress, and to do so make the necessary adjustments. Fwank sends his love!

  • Hi Herman, hi Dori, hi Kim. Just let me say that we wish Frank a speedy recovery! Also, we at the Palace loves you all very much, and whether you post weekly or monthly or whatever, Fridays (or whatever day) will always special when you are around. But what is most important of all is that YOU are ALL OK. purrs of support to Frank and all. Erin & peep. XOX

    • Thank you, Your Majesty. Mom feels better already knowing our friends are supportive and won’t leave us just cuz a full mystery isn’t posted every week. Frank is doing much better, which really makes all of us happy. Purrrs!

  • Wow! We are so sorry you have all been going through a health crisis with Frank. What a scare! As much as we love your stories, your health (all of you) is more important than entertaining us. Jan is the same way, so engrossed in what she is doing, she is oblivious to everything else, so we understand and hope everything works out with the proposed changes. We know Frank is getting lots of love and great care from all of you..

    • Thank you, Miz Jan. We don’t like to disappoint, but Frank’s near-encounter with the Rainbow Bridge jerked our leashes real tight. The world is spinning too fast lately. Wish the world had a Pause Button… Hmmmm. Sounds like a Sherlock Herm’s story.

  • My dear Kim, I think you underestimate your fans. While we love reading your stories and posts we all understand that life often gets in the way of our best intentions. We are not going anywhere. We will be right on Facebook and Twitter and when YOU are ready, we’ll be reading what you write! Be gentle with yourself. Take care of the kitties. We’ll be right here!

  • Oh my mouses! I’m purrin’ and purrin’ AND PURRIN’ Frank feels a whole lot better really, REALLY soon.

    PURRS

    PS. Kim, don’t feel badly ’bout missin’ the signs. We cats are masters at hidin’ our symptoms. I don’t know why. It’s just somethin’ we do. PURRS.

    • Thanks, Seville. I still feel bad about Frank. Despite his noxious behavior in the car…I love him dearly!

  • Hi:
    Yes, don’t underestimate your fans. We LOVE Sherlock Herms, but our furry ones come first and YOUR mental health comes first.
    We will be here eagerly awaiting the next installment.

    • Thank you, Karen. It’s exhausting to be me… So happy I have such a wonderpurr support group! Hugs!

  • Do hope you take some time for yourself and your fur babies. Hope Frank is home and doing much better. Keeping him and all of the family in my prayers.

    • He’s home, Sandy, and he’s doing pretty good. Lots of energy, jumping onto the tables and running around like he used to before he became blocked. Thank you for your prayers.

  • We hope Frank feels better soon! What a scary event. I often tell people that in blogging, one is never done … there’s always more one could do (commenting, finding new blogs, re-design …) – and that’s very hard for those of us who struggle with boundaries and walking away before we’re overwhelmed. High expectations of ourselves is another soul-crusher. Compassion is just as important for us humans as it is for our kitties. Please cut yourself some slack. We don’t have any way of knowing. As much as I think that’s good advice, it doesn’t help me either. I still can’t forgive myself for waiting to take Kitty to the vet 10 years ago.

    I dread taking Bear in … literally, if I thought I could get away with it and maintain his health, I’d never take him in … just getting him in the carrier is exhausting. When he had a tumor two years ago, I was badly shaken for almost a year afterward. I annoyed the heck out of him by following him around … checking on him regularly when I didn’t see him for more than a few minutes … and almost compulsively checking his body for new tumors a couple times a day. There was also a period where I stopped petting him altogether because I was terrified of finding another tumor. I didn’t even realize I was doing it! It’s so scary. Bear is everything to me … and the thought of losing him is unbearable. It’s going to happen sooner than later though because he’s already 11.

    • Kat, I’m so glad you found Bear’s tumors in time. And I’m deeply sorry for your losses. I too live with regrets…could have done more, could have done something different. We love deeply, and our losses cut just as deep. Hugs, and thank you so much for sharing with me.

  • I hope Frank is soon feeling much better. Concats on being a finalist in the Nose to Nose awards.

    • Thank you, Flynn. Frank is home and he’s feeling much better. He’s taking his pills and he’s eating the prescription food, so we hope he never has to suffer from a blocked bladder ever again!

  • I’ll keep it simple. This is what I learned after Bode died. Hug your loved ones as often as possible; you can’t hug a memory.

  • Herms dude, oh wow we’re so sorry about Frank and send oodles of healing purrs. And the P.A. sympathizes with your mom about writing off the hoof the week of the of a big post and trying to do a bazillion other things too, long term it doesn’t wurk and yep, tell your your mom to chill fur a week or two and regroup, we will still be here waiting.

    As fur the book writing, the P.A. has about 15 part written novels and she just can’t seem to get to finish them as the blog takes all her time, writing posts, promotion, replying to our comments, visiting all our furriends blogs and commenting etc….

    The P.A.’s plan is to get one of her unfinished novels and try to write a few pages each week and slowly wurk through the backlog when she comes back from Blog Paws, maybe your mom and the P.A. should have a writing group fur peeps struggling to finish their novels due to being pulled in 20 different directions at once ???? a support group!

    Anyhoo, we hope Frank is as good a new asap and we send big hugs

    Bestest purrs

    Basil & Co xox

    • Basil, you just inspired me to do exactly that. A support group for overwhelmed bloggers-slash-novelists sounds like a wonderpurr idea! Tell your P.A. we will discuss that at Blogpaws. Big hugs! Kim

  • Miss Kim, please don’t overwork & overstress yourself ’cause that can lead to health issues & you need to stay healthy for you & your wonderpurr gang! You all write fun posts & I look forward to reading more, but your fans will understand if your schedule load needs to lighten up a bit. Hugs & healing purrs for Frank. Congrats on being a Best Pet Humor Blog Award Finalist! Mew Mew!

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