Sherlock Herms in… Heaven Can Wait – Part 5

heaven-can-wait-promo

Previously on Heaven Can Wait–Part 4

When the demon roared, “Give me back my house, or Charley will burn in hell!” Ghost Guy passed out. Or maybe fainted on purpose for the cameras; I don’t know for sure.

“Get your facts straight, Vivian. You’ve already admitted you don’t have Charley.” I pawed the book back onto the shelf, forcing her to release Ghost Guy.

Pete grinned at me. “Damn! You’re impressive.” He flicked a look of disgust at his partner lying on the floor, then said to me, “Who’s Charley?”

“Charley Feeble was a private detective back in the 1940’s.” While I told Pete the story about how I met Charley and how Vivian Shallowford made Charley dead, the director yelled “Cut!” and Ghost Guy stopped acting faint.

“So you don’t know what happened to Charley’s spirit?” Pete asked as we moved to sit on the couch. “Maybe he went into the light.”

“He wouldn’t do that without telling me,” I said as Dori crawled into Pete’s lap. “He’s giving me detective lessons. I’m worried. If the demon doesn’t have Charley, then where is he?”

“That’s why I called Ghost Guy,” Dori told Pete. “To find Chawley.”

“This house is sitting on top of an INDIAN BURIAL GROUND!” We turned to where Ghost Guy was performing for the cameras. Despite the attic heat and weak light from the window as twilight set in, the ghost hunter still wore his sunglasses and leather jacket. “Behind this bookcase is a VORTEX! A whirling mass of DEMONIC ENERGY trying to KILL ME!”

He fell to his knees, groaning. “I feel dizzy. I feel nauseous. I feel the demon trying to POSSESS ME!”

I glared at the director. “If he barfs, you clean it up.”

Ghost Guy abruptly lurched to his feet. “That’s what you’re trying to do, isn’t it?” he shouted at the bookcase. “Make me dizzy. Make me PUKE! You’re FEEDING on the people in this house. You’re feeding on their WEAKNESSES.”

A growl curled around my vocal cords. “Who you calling weak, buster?”

Ghost Guy shook his fist at the bookcase. “EXPOSE YOURSELF!”

“Cut!”

Squeak! Squeak!

“Oh my GOD! Did you HEAR THAT?”

I rolled my eyes so far back into my head, I saw my brain. The fearless ghost hunter had stepped on one of Dori’s cat toys.

Pete nudged my shoulder. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” He pointed to the black mist rolling from Candy into the air. For a moment it swirled around her like smoke, then gathered mass until it grew to the size of an elephant directly behind Ghost Guy.

“You’ve activated something, dude,” Pete called to his partner.

“What do you mean?” Guy looked everywhere around him, except behind him.

Meanwhile the director and cameramen were huddled together with their jaws dropped. Clearly the cameras weren’t recording to what the black mist was about to do to their star.

ghost-guy-elephant

“EXPOSE YOURSELF!”

What is once seen cannot be unseen. I closed my eyes to protect myself.

And now Part 5

BAKELITE DIVIDER

“SQUEEEEE!”

The scream made my heart stop. I couldn’t look. I pictured Ghost Guy with his leather jacket and smexy shades forever ground into my office floor. I don’t mean to sound cold, but the first thought that crossed my mind was, would I have to sue the TV people to pay to clean-up the mess?

“SQUEEEEE! SQUEEEE!”

I had a pretty low opinion of Ghost Guy to begin with; a Hollywood fake who mugs for the cameras. But now his scream made my opinion drop even farther. He sounded like—

I opened one eye in time to see Dori chase after a treat that had been kicked during the scuffle. “Mine!” she screamed. “Mine!”

What happened next can never be forgotten.

Dori’s scream startled Ghost Guy who saw the treat skidding across the floor and overreacted (big surprise) by screaming like it was possessed. He kicked it under the couch. The flying treat caught the attention of the shadow elephant who dissolved into something that looked like an angry swarm of bees and dove under the couch after it. A second later we heard a loud burp causing Dori to burst into tears. At least I now knew what lurked under my couch.

“Did anyone get that?” the direct asked the child-size cameramen who hung their heads.

Pete flicked an amused look my way. “Think we can get it to do a Take Two?”

I noticed Dori on her knees, glaring under the couch. “Yoo gimmee back my tweat, yoo smoky monster!”

I pulled her tail. “Leave it. You have bags of treats.” I then said to the TV hoomons, “We hired Ghost Guy to help us find Charley, a ghost. So far all you’ve done is ruin our lawn and create unnecessary chaos in my home. Either help me find Charley, or GET OUT!” I never growl at anyone, but I was hissed.

“Finding ghosts is my specialty,” said Ghost Guy. “Give me a minute to set up my board. I’ll find Chuckie.”

“It’s Charley!” As he left my office with his director and cameramen, I turned to growl at Dori who was responsible for bringing Ghost Guy into our lives, but all I saw was the end of her tail as she scampered after her hero.

“I better keep an eye on him,” Pete said. “The last time he used the Ouija board he opened a portal and all hell broke loose.”

Night had fallen, turning our home to darkness. I left my office to go downstairs where I found strangers in my living room: Ghost Guy had allowed his fans inside our home! Candles were lit and I saw the Ouija board on our coffee table. Most of my fursibs had gone into hiding over the invasion of fans, though I saw Jack and Opie watching from behind a chair. I joined them.

“Where’s Mom? Did Dad come home from work yet?”

“Dad freaked out over the Ghost Guy fans ruining his lawn and Mom told Dori she heard Ghost Guy is like a vampire. Once you’ve invited him into your home, you need to drive a stake through his heart to get rid of him. It was an impressive visual with Mom pantomiming herself driving a stake through Ghost Guy’s heart.”

“Where is Mom and Dad?”

“They were on the phone with the TV studio, threatening to sue when Ghost Guy’s director wrote them a big check to pay for damages. He promised Ghost Guy would be gone by the time they returned from dinner. Mom isn’t happy with Dori for inviting Ghost Guy into our home without purrmission.”

I felt a momentary flicker of sympathy for Dori, but then I noticed Ghost Guy had my star struck little sisfur huddled over the Ouija board with her paws on the planchette.

“IS ANYONE THERE?” Ghost Guy demanded in a loud Hollywood voice. With the cameras running and his adoring fans swooning, he was naturally overacting.

I spied Pete out of camera range, drinking a glass of Mom’s soy milk. “Vile stuff,” I heard him mutter as I joined him. “You look worried, Pete.”

“Between you and I, Guy is a phony with enough knowledge to be dangerous. The last time he used a spirit board, the producer and director lost their jobs. Not Guy, of course. He’s the star!”

“Why? What happened?”

“People sue when their home gets invaded by demons they didn’t have before Ghost Guy opened a portal.”

Outside a flash of lightning cut through the night, followed by a loud boom. Then all hell broke loose with wind and rain bending trees and knocking over lawn furniture.

“If you’re here and not talking to me,” Ghost Guy yelled above the Nature chaos, “you’re a COWARD!”

Lightning lit up our yard like it was high-noon. It struck our hundred-year-old shagbark hickory, breaking off a thirty-foot branch that drove itself into the ground like Satan throwing down his pitchfork.

“Look at the board!” one of the cameramen shouted, with the director yelling “Cut!” so he could move Pete into camera range to yell, “Look at the board!”

Meanwhile, I looked at the board. It wasn’t spelling anything. It was moving in a series of figure 8’s.

“EXPOSE YOURSELF, COWARD!”

“Cut!”

Pete returned to my side, a paler shade of white. “If you’ve got any holy water or blessed candles lying around, now would be a good time to bring them out.”

“The planchette is making figure 8’s. That’s not good, is it?”

“Nope. Something is trying to get out of the board.”

I felt the fur on the back of my neck bristle. “I don’t suppose it’s Charley.”

“If your Charley is coming out of that board, then he’s pretty much gone to the dark side.”

A combination of screams and gasps from the Ghost Gal’s (Ghost Guy’s fans) jerked my attention back to the board where blood was spurting out of the planchette. It took me a moment to believe what I was seeing.

A skull was coming out of the board, covered with the Ouija alphabet and symbols.

dori-with-skull

I moved to grab my little sisfur from danger, but Pete hooked a finger in my collar. “Don’t call attention to yourself.”

“Dori’s in danger!”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING A COWARD!” the skull screamed at Ghost Guy—who fainted (big shocker).

Wackiness then ensued with Ghost Gals rushing to revive their hero while blood showered everyone, including Mom’s new couch. She would definitely sue.

I broke loose from Pete to grab Dori. With her paws still on the planchette, she stared at the board as though in a trance. I tried to pull her away, but something held onto her. That’s when I noticed her tabby stripes were shifting and curling to resemble the Ouija alphabet. As the skull sank back into the board, Dori’s beautiful fur rippled with strange and spooky symbols.

“Help me!” I yowled. My brofurs scampered from behind the chair, grabbed Dori’s legs and helped me hustle her up to my office. There, to my shock, we found Charley waiting for us.

“Is she all right?” Charley clearly didn’t need to be brought up to speed on what had happened since he’d disappeared.

We laid Dori on the couch. She looked exhausted, as well as scary with the Ouija board rippling her fur. And when she coughed the letters spelling ‘Good Bye’ spilled like smoke from her mouth.

My heart stopped. “No!” I threw myself on top of her, sobbing, “No!”

“Herman.” Charley’s kind voice weaved through my panic. “Go to my desk. Open the top drawer on the far right.”

Inside the drawer I found a coin-sized object: a bird of prey holding a medallion of a man from another century.

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“Slip it onto Dori’s collar,” Charley told me. That took some effort since I’m all dewclaws…but after it was on her collar, he said, “She will be protected from Zozo for as long as she wears the medal.”

Opie’s jaw dropped. “Dori is in danger from Zozo the Clown?”

“That’s Bozo, you bozo!” Jack snarled. “Zozo is a demon who lives inside the Ouija board.”

“Tweats,” Dori murmured weakly. “I need tweats.”

I was ready for her request and shoved several Smittens into her mouth. While she chewed, the strange Ouija symbols melted from her fur, returning her tabby stripes to normal.

I asked Charley, “Where have you been? We’ve been worried sick! Demon Loud Lady tried to make me think she had you trapped in hell. Dori hired that phony baloney Ghost Guy to find you.”

“I was called to meet with my spirit guides,” Charley told me. “They wanted me Home, but I asked for more time to teach you what I’ve learned during my lifetime. I’m happy to tell you my guides have permitted me as much time as I need. As for Vivian…” We all turned to look at the bookcase. “She cannot enter this house without permission. She is forever trapped behind the bookcase.”

A shrill scream broke through my closed office door. “Sounds like Ghost Guy is trying to win an Emmy,” Jack said with a smirk.

Dori sat up, her paw touching her protective amulet. “Yoo saved me, Chawley!”

“My darling Dori, I will always be by your side. I will be with all of you, for as long as I’m needed.”

“We will always need you, Charley,” I told him, raising my meow above the screams drifting up the stairs.

“You think maybe you should investigate what’s going on?” Jack asked me.

I released a soft growl. “That’s it. I’m throwing them out of the house.”

“Nice guy Herman is going to throw Ghost Guy out on his Hollywood butt.” Opie laughed. “This I’ve got to see.”

While Dori stayed behind with Charley, my brofurs followed me downstairs. The moment my paws touched the first tread I knew something was wrong. The stairs felt icy cold and burning hot at the same time. My heart lurched. Had Ghost Guy set our house on fire?

I peeked over the railing. No. Not on fire. Something far worse.

Ghost Guy had opened a portal and demons were pouring out of the Ouija board!

I stood frozen on the stairs while the demons terrorized the Ghost Gals, director and child-size cameramen. With no one to film him or yell “Cut!” while he emoted for his TV audience, Ghost Guy huddled in the corner, sobbing like a baby while a nasty-looking demon hovered over him.

Where was Pete? Despite being associated with this Hollywood circus, I liked him. Then I saw him waving a sage smudge stick, destroying whatever demon came his way. I watched as he worked his way into the living room and over to Ghost Guy. After destroying the demon, Pete hauled Guy to his feet.

“Get a grip, dude,” he shouted. “You opened the damn portal. Now close it!”

Guy wiped his runny nose on his leather sleeve. “I didn’t bring my stuff.”

Together they ducked a wicked-looking flying thing with razor-sharp teeth. “Hey Herman!” Pete shouted. “You got any stones?”

“Naw,” I shouted back. “I’m neutered!”

Jack whispered in my ear, “I think he means crystals.”

“I haven’t had fire pee in a long time.”

Jack looked ready to smack me. “Dood. Rocks! You know the kind Mom has in her office.”

Ohhhh! “What kind you need, Pete?”

“Obsidian. Rose quartz. Red tiger’s eye, and clear quartz.”

I scampered up the stairs to my mom’s author office where she keeps her collection of pretty rocks. As I picked out the ones Pete needed, I heard the door to my office open. “Hey Dori, you know what obsidian looks like?”

When she didn’t answer, I turned to see Charley. He wore an expression of panic as he fought whatever was pulling him from my attic office.

“Fight it, Chawley!” I heard Dori yowl.

What the Friskies! I dropped the stones and ran to help my friend…just as he let go and was sucked out of the room. As Dori screamed, I zoomed after Charley. I caught up with him at the bottom of the stairs, holding onto the bannister.

“I COMMAND all SPIRITS to enter this DARK PORTAL!”

I stared at Ghost Guy, standing with feet planted apart and arms raised while he emoted for the now functional child-size cameramen.

“No! Stop!” Pete waved his arms at Ghost Guy. “Not ALL spirits. Just the dark ones!”

Ghost Guy ignored Pete. “I command ALL SPIRITS to enter this DARK PORTAL!”

“Stop!” I yowled. “You’re hurting Charley!” I zoomed to hold onto my friend, but my paws went through his transparent body.

A moment later, it was all over.

“I did it!” Ghost Guy howled into the cameras. “I sent all the spirits in this house…to HELL!”

good-bye-charley

SHERLOCK HERMS DIVIDER

I’m totally fweaking out, pals! Charley has been sent to hell by that phony baloney Ghost Guy. Plus I don’t trust that Dori is totally okay, despite the cool medallion Charley gave her. I need all the support I can get. What should I do?

Be sure to come back Friday for Part 6 of Heaven Can Wait.

Need to catch up with my Sherlock Herms Purranormal Mysteries? The links to all the Season 1 Case Notes are listed on the Archive Page  (see upper tab on far right). If you missed Part 1 of Heaven Can Wait, click here.

Until next Friday…Have a Wonderpurr Week.

Purrs! Herman!!!

If you enjoy Sherlock Herms Purranormal Mysteries, you might also enjoy KRINGLE.

Tiz the season to read a funny book about a dysfunctional family who also happens to run Kringle Enterprises, a company that puts the ‘Merry’ in Christmas and the ‘Happy’ in Holidays.

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About the author

Herman TattleCat

8 Comments

  • Friday doesn’t begin in our house until our Mum has read us the latest chapter of Sherlock Herms!! Then we all usually run to the kitchen for breakfast. Today we’re tiptoeing cuz we’re being careful there is no vortex to step into!! Great episode!!

    • Hey Barley! You never know about them sneaky vortexes. There might even be one inside your favorite food bowl, ready to grab ya when you bend down to take a bite! Just saying… Thank you so much for spending Friday morning with me. Purrrs! Herman!!!

  • Herms DUDE, like that was so ferociously frightening on so many levels, we can barely breathe!!! And so bittersweet that one second mew had Charley and the next *POOF* he was sucked into a hell portal to the Netherwurld, OMC DUDE!!!!!!

    As fur advice, stake the fake Ghost Guy fur sure! MOL But seriously Herms Dude, living with a poltergeist [true story, no really dude I speak the truth; we had one at our house a few years ago – it was way strange and rather disconcerting to say the least] anyhoo we suggest a priest, an ocean of Holy water and some serious chanting plus lots of sage burning – the good news is, we think that as Charley is a good soul, he therefore doesn’t belong in the Netherwurld and with the priests expert help mew should be able to call him back to our dimension without too much trauma and he should be relatively unscathed if mew act fast enough…

    We’ve got all our paws crossed fur a positive result!

    Can’t wait fur episode 6…. any chance mew could post it on Monday? MOL MOL

    Best purrs

    Basil & Co xox

    • Them dang polty-guests sure know how to wear our their welcome. Sorry to hear you had one. I hope you showed it the door quick like a bunny! Yep, we got sage here and blessed candles and stuff thanks to Belle’s daddy who knows about that kind of stuff. Thanks for your advice and crossing your paws for us. I think we need you to cross your eyes too. It looks like we’re in for a bumpy ride!

      Purrs! Herman!!!

  • Oh my, Oh no, Oh my word! Why didn’t that ghost guy get trampled! This is edge of seat cant wait till next Friday stuff, which is my favourite! Will you have to open that portal again? or can you get Charley out through the bookcase? But if you do that evil woman will still be there, waiting to escape! I’m going to have a lay down and recover….
    purrs ERin

    • I know, your Majesty. Sometimes our wishes don’t come true. I was kinda hoping to see Ghost Guy get trampled by that elephant, too. Gosh! Good thinking about maybe getting Charley out through the bookcase. See, that’s why I like to ask for advice from my Besties. You guys are always coming up with great ideas! I’m thinking I should create some kind of super special club for those of you who give me suggestions on how to solve my cases. Hmmm. Thanks again, Erin. As always, you’re Wonderpurr! Herman!!!

  • guys….984 high paws ona nother total lee awesum epa sode …thiz storee haz uz on de edge oh R seetz N we think ewe willna mind if we say that ghost guyz a bass terd……..him can goez two hell 🙂 we lovez play on werdz stuff…N bring bak everee one then stay ther hiz self { tho we doubtz veree much even satan will let him stay ~~~ ♥♥♥♥

    • I think you’re right, Trout Tabbies. I bet Satan is already on the phone with someone trying to figure out how to get Charley of out Hell cuz he’s recruiting for the Good Guyz. Thanks so much for stopping buy! Purrs! Herman!!!

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