Tuesdays With Dori: How to Foil A Faker

Hi Furends! This is Dori *wavy paws* welcoming yoo to the first post in my new column: Tuesdays with Dori. I’m very excited to have this oppawtunity to share with yoo my world views, and my tips on evfurryday living. I might even intermew someone. Yoo never know. The world is my oyster!

The other day I was shredding an old AARP magazine when I spied an article about how 85% of hoomons are confident they can spot an imposter, but the majority flunk an Imposter IQ quiz. Fwankly, I’m worried.

These hoomons are responsible for keeping us in the luxury of which we are accustomed to. If they get swindled by con artists, they will have less to spend on us.

I consider it my pawblic doody to inform yoo of nefarious ways these fakers are taking advantage of our doddering hoomons, so yoo can be on the look out and stop the fakers before they steal the treats right out of your moufs!

Here are ways AARP says our hoomons are being fooled by fakers. (I’ve shredded the magazine so I’m pawraphrazing here.)

Jury Doody

Official Sounding Faker: “This is Judge Judy Wapner calling from the county courthouse. You’ve missed jury doody. Either pay $300 now, or go to prison.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Gosh! I don’t want to go to prison. Here’s my credit card, my Social Security Number and the password to my online bank account.”

The Kitten Breeder

Official Sounding Faker: “Our blue ribbon purebred Turkish Van, Hermione, just had a beautiful litter of purebred kittens. They are usually sold for $700 a piece, but for today only, you can have a kitten for $200!”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Gosh! What a great deal. I’ll take two! Here’s my credit card, my Social Security Number and the password to my online bank account.”

Utility Company Scam

Official Sounding Faker: “We have a utility truck parked in your neighborhood, ready to shut off your electricity if you don’t pay the past-due amount on your bill tonight.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Gosh! It’s seven o’clock. It’s supposed to go below freezing tonight! I thought I paid my account, but I trust you. Here’s my credit card, my Social Security Number and the password to my online bank account.”

The Gov’mint Faker

Official Sounding Faker: “I’m calling to notify you of your unclaimed property with our state.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Unclaimed property! Is it from Aunt Margaret’s estate? She just passed away, and all she left me was her collection of Neil Diamond records. I don’t have a record player. Plus I never liked Neil Diamond.”

Official Sounding Faker: “I can release Aunt Margaret’s property to you, if you pay $300. I will also need her Social Security number.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh dear! I don’t have her Social Security number.”

Official Sounding Faker: “No problem! I can check it through yours. I will also need your credit card number and bank account password.”

The Ticket Scalper

Official Sounding Faker: “We represent Star Struck Tickets, and you’ve been chosen to get seats for the Ed Sheeran concert for a huge discount, if you act quickly.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Gosh! I’d love to take you up on your offer, but… Who is Ed Sheeran?”

Official Sounding Faker: “Some British singer. I also have Pink tickets.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Does a pink ticket cost less than other colors?”

Official Sounding Faker: “What about Metallica?”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “I’m prone to migraines.”

Official Sounding Faker: “Justin Bieber?”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Will he take his shirt off? I don’t like tattoos.”

Official Sounding Faker: “What about Susan Boyle?”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh, does she sing too? I just loved her as Erica Kane on All My Children.”

Official Sounding Faker: “I’m not supposed to do this, but if you act now… You can have two Whitney Houston tickets for the price of one. All I need is your credit card, your Social Security Number and your password to your bank account.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Sold!”

The Bank Faker

Official Sounding Faker: “We have detected a problem with your accounts. We will need you to verify your personal information.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh dear. I will hurry right over.”

Official Sounding Faker: “No! We need you to verify over the phone so we can confirm you are you, and fix the error.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Okay. What information do you need?”

Official Sounding Faker: “Your bank account number, starting with the 9-digit routing number. We will also need you to verify your date of birth and driver’s license number.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Do you also need my Social Security Number?”

Official Sounding Faker: “You betcha!”

The Lottery Winner Faker

Official Sounding Faker: “I represent the Ontario lottery, and I’m excited to tell you that you’ve won $1 million! All you have to do is pay the import tax and fee, and we’ll send you your winnings.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “This is so exciting! I’ve never won anything. How much is the import tax and fee?”

Official Sounding Faker: “Only $500.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh dear. That’s a lot of money.”

Official Sounding Faker: “One million dollars is a lot more money.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “I know, but… I’m supposed to take Frisky for his shots tomorrow. I may not have enough to pay both your fee and his veterinary bill.”

Official Sounding Faker: “Well, you sound like a nice person, so… I’m going to do something I’m not supposed to do. I will change the fee to $300, but only if you ACT NOW. Think of all the treats and toys you could buy Frosty with one million dollars?”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “It’s Frisky, but for one million dollars, I’ll change his name! Here’s my credit card number.”

Official Sounding Faker: “I will also need your date of birth and Social Security Number to verify you are who you say you are. You know how the government is.”

The Police or Fire Department Fakers

Official Sounding Faker – “We’re raising money for local officers/firefighters injured in the line of duty. How much will you be donating today?”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “How can I say no?”

The IRS Faker

Official Sounding Faker – “Our records show you are at grave risk for large fines for unpaid taxes. You must settle this situation immediately to avoid going to jail.”

Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh dear! Do you take American Express?”

Stranger Danger!

AARP says never listen to a pitch from a stranger, be it on the phone, in person, or over the internet, without first independently verifying they are legitimate. They didn’t indicate in the article exactly how to verify they’re legitimate, so my advice is to tell them that before you commit to anything, especially giving them money, you will first need to call their corporate office to verify the offer. And not necessarily a phone number they give you, either. Honestly! Do I have to think of everything? Go Google how to avoid getting scammed. Google won’t steer you wrong!

For me, the best way to never be a victim is to consider whatever they’re selling to be a scam—and walk away with your tail in the air.

So! How vulnerable are your hoomons to official sounding fakers? Have them click on the link below to take the Imposter IQ Quiz to find out.


Pee Ess. My hoomons got 100% right on the quiz, so tonight we’re celebrating with Starkist toona noms.

See you next Tuesday!

Love, Dori


Leave a comment
  • Wow, Dori. What an eyeopener! Maybe we need to add a hotline button and every time they want to hand over info they can ask us first hee. These hoomans sure need our help or we will never get the Starkist tuna and big pillows! Loved it.

  • I have to first say, Dori, you are looking Tres Chic today! Brilliant advice, we struggle to get meter riders and the like around here because of the kraken eating them. However when they do stuff on-line or the telephone it ca be very difficult to know. If in doubt I will slam the phone down and walk away, tail high as you suggest!
    Toodle pips and purrs

  • Hi Erin! Gosh, I don’t think we have any kraken around my house. But thanks for the heads up. I wonder why hoomons can’t spend their time on better things like adopting homeless pets, rather than trying to steal money from doddering old hoomons. Thank yoo for stopping by. Love always, Dori

  • Oh Sadie, our doddering hoomons get rooked every day of the week. It’s rampant! It’s a disease of their depreciating minds. We gots to do something to protect them from spending all our treat and toy monies on stoopid stuff bad hoomons are trying to sell over the phone. I like your hotline idea. But… get somebody else to answer it. I’m gonna be busy that day.
    Love yoo! Dori

  • Hi Jazz and CWP – Yes, our hoomons are sadly incapable of thinking for themselves. That’s where we step in. We think for them. Lots more treats and toys, please.
    Love, Dori

  • Hey sisfur – pawsome job on da article. Our hoomans can be sooo gullible.

  • wavez two ewe dori; itz grate ta see ya….hope all iz well with de crew…pleez due knot for get de e mail from de prince oh splanay tellin ya he wantz ta give ewe all hiz wealth ore even a sharez N him haz like all de monee ever printed on de planit N then sum N if ewe just hit ree ply N give yur passwerdz N acountz N stuff like that de chex will bee auto dee posited with 24 !! 🙂 ♥♥♥

  • Thanks for sharing this impawtant information, Dori. There’s so many unscrupulous humans out there.

  • Dori, I also worry about peeps who get slammed doogled by these impawstors. Right now my Mom L and Dad P have most of their marbles, but what’s a cat to do when those marbles start to roll away???

  • Oh nooo! 60%, mom is in danger zone. But she like to tell them to remove her name from list.

  • Pwince Honeysmoochies… Yoor meowmy needs to step out of La La Land and not be so twusting to stwangers on the phone. Don’t talk to them. Hang up. Be sure to tell her I said so. Wuv yoo! Dori

  • Oh no! Savannah! Pawrents wif lost marbles are in special danger. *whispers* Between yoo and I, I’m alweady keeping a close eye on my meowmy. Maybe put a sticker on the chawge cawd that reads DO YOU TRUST WHO YOU’RE GIVING YOUR MONEY TO?

  • Hi Island Kitties! I hope yoor keeping yoor toes and tails warm up in the Mitten State. I agwee. Unscoopuless hoomons need to find something better to do than to hoodwinkle our poor ol doddering pawrents.

  • Hi Tabbies! Oh my yes. I discussed the Pwince emails wif my meowmy and she said to tell him to Get in Line. Honestly, if hoomons believe some guy who sez he’s a pwince and wants to give away his monies… then they deserve to get hoodwinkled.

  • Hi Lola! I appweciate yoor wonderpurr support. To answer yoor question… I have no idea why hoomons are such fakers. They really need to spend time down at the Humane Society helping clean cages and litter boxes, and loving on needy pets despurrrate for adoption. So sad.

  • That was very interesting and now I feel so much safer when I go online thanks to you. Does your Doddering Hoomom realise what a great help you are to her to keep her safe too.

  • We’ve had these fakin’ fakers call here, too. Drives Peep #1 crazy! (Like she needs to be driven to the land of crazy. She’s already half-way there, you know. MOUSES!) They kinda drive me crazy, too, although unlike the peep, I’m just goin’ along for the ride. PURRS.

  • Thank goodness my humans don’t go for any of those scams! Thanks for reminding humans to be very cautious! I think I need to go fetch me some tuna noms too… Winky winks!

Hi, it's me Dori *wavy paws* inviting yoo to comment. When yoo do, I bet you'll be able to hear me purring wif joy.

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