Invasion of Strangers

Happy Tuesdays, furends! This past week has been very exciting upsetting due to mass invasion by Stranger Danger. I've never spent so much time under the bed!

Actually, it's pretty nice under the bed. There are cushions, pillows, cat toys, and couches. Also a wide-screen HGTV with surround sound, a mini-bar with chilled bottles of cream and designer water, and a kitchenette for late-night snacks.

Back to Stranger Danger Invasion. It had to be because of the Full Moon. I mean, my pawrents wouldn't deliberately bring strangers into our house without first consulting us. Hwermie says the Strangers aren't out to "get" us, but I'm not taking any chances.

It all began last Tuesday when my pawrents vanished after bweakfast. Normally they putter around the house, but that day--GONE! Very distwessing. I swore they were abducted by aliens, but Hwermie said it was Daddy's birfday and Momma was taking him to Disney to play. Wabbit said they left him in charge, but we all know he's fulla boo-sheet.

That day all I did was nap in my favorite sun puddle, and play Mahjong with Candy, Peaches and Gidget at the game table under the bed. Pawrents returned very late. Almost a whole minute before our scheduled dinner nom time. 

I repeat. WE ALMOST HAD TO WAIT FOR DINNER!

The next day was Wednesday, and I planned to have a meeting with my Momanager to discuss my social media itinerary. However, the door bell rang, so I flew under the bed. I wasn't surprised to see pwactically evfurryone else there, cuz ringing doorbells always accompany Stranger Dangers. Hwermie saved me a place at the gaming table, and kept my attention off the Strangers by teaching me and Fwank and Elly to play Scrabble. And because we cats can't spell, what we thought was going to be a few minutes turned into an all day affair.

THE DOOR BELL KEPT RINGING! Strangers wanted inside our home, and they were determined. Evfurryone agreed with me that this might be THE END. Even Hwermie who is pretty calm under duress. 

Finally Fwank said he was going to find out what the Friskies was going on. Wabbit said he would go too since he's the Leader of the Wonderpurr Gang. We all rolled our eyes behind his back because if anyone is the Leader, it's Hwermie. And Peaches cuz she's the Queen.

Anyway, Wabbit returned real quick. He said there was an Evil Wizard in the Catio who waved his arms and the huge water bowls erupted into bubbling cauldrons. He said Daddy just stood there gazing at the churning water. Wabbit feared Daddy had been magicked into a zom, at which Elly began to sob into her paws since she's devoted to Daddy as his favorite girl. While Hwermie comforted Elly, whispurring Wabbit exaggerates, Fwank returned looking worried. 

Fwank told us he overheard the Wizard dude was going to return with some magic motor box to turn the huge water bowls into ocean-size waves. As I have never been to the ocean, I have nothing to compare that to. None of us did. So K.C. pulled out his ipad and Googled Ocean.

      

We were all like "Ohhh" and "Ahhh" until Wabbit (who is afraid of water) pointed out that the ocean was wetter than our huge water bowl. That was a sobering moment for us all.

The doorbell started ringing again, making Elly suck her thumb and I swear Opie peed his britches... which isn't really uncommon since he pees his britches on a regular basis. Dr Vet says it's Wabbit-related stress, and Opie is on medicines helping him to be calmer. Opie called a sekret meeting and got our opinion on the injustice of him needing medicine when it's Wabbit who causes stress. Jack suggested Opie trade bowls at breakfast with Wabbit, except Momma shoves a stick filled with liquid yuk down Opie's froat and there is no getting around that. So sad.

I ... I forget what I was talking about. OH! The doorbell ringing again, this time there was a commotion on the other side of the house where Jesse the Toothless Wonder lives alone in the Cat Apartment. We all were supposed to have access to the Cat Apartment, except then Jesse got sick with Evil Stomititis, and had to leave the Garage Band for extended hospitalization, and when he returned Nik (my daddy) and Chevy rejected him. They said he couldn't be in their Band anymore. Kinda like what happened when Van Halen kicked out David Lee Roth. And then Fwank said Jesse could not join the indoor Wonderpurr Gang because of some words they exchanged way back in 2014 when Fwank showed up homeless and I guess Jesse and Nik wouldn't let him join their Band. And as I love my Fwank, I agreed wif him about not letting Jesse join our Gang and was like "Yeah, no way Jo-zay!" whoever Jo-zay is. So only Jesse has the Cat Apartment. But then we heard shouting. Again Fwank went to see what was going on, and he came back to say Momma had dragged my daddy Nik and Chevy into Jesse's apartment. And Daddy then opened the garage to another Stranger!

What the Fwiskies is going on wif our hoodad? Did the Wizard put a spell on him to make him allow strangers inside our home?

The answer is YES! The Wizard did because not only was Daddy in the garage talking with a Stranger for like one hundred and eighty million minutes, but then he let the Wizard back into our Catio and again the water bowls were churning and hissing and bubbling. The sky turned black and the moon started to boil in the sky. I'm not being dramatic, I'm telling the troof!

I think I might have blacked out, because when I awoke, the sky was back to normal, and the house no longer had Strangers or ringing bells. Nik and Chevy were back in their garage home, and Momma was cleaning Jesse's apartment because Nik sprayed something (which is why he will never be allowed to live indoors with the rest of us. So Sad).

And that's what happened at my house in one whole day! Very exciting upsetting. Hope yoo all had a much quieter week. Love, Dori

Kim Tell the Story Behind Dori's Story

 Last Wednesday Ray set up multiple appointments for a pool inspection and also consultations to have our air conditioning system replaced. As you know from my past rants, this house needed a lot of work to bring it up to a livable condition. When our pool man was a no show for three weeks, we fired him (Ray talked to his wife who said he didn't feel well, but doesn't like to return phone calls!!!). Ray took over the pool, using Pinch a Penny to test the water. We then discovered there was hardly any salt in the pool, and the skimmer was not turned on. Nor was the pool operating like it was supposed to, what with the values not working. We paid Pool Man $100 a month to just swish a net around and pretend to inspect the water values. I really want to write a review on Google, but when I went looking for him, he was really hard to find. Naturally it was the former owner who hired him. *soft growl* So we had a new motor installed, and Ray added salt and had the skimmer turned on. Now the pool swirls from ten to four every day. And Rabbit is totally freaked by it. No longer a quiet little drinking bowl, it is in constant motion... like its supposed to be.

Then Ray scheduled an air conditioning company in the morning and again in the afternoon. The first guy hit it off with Ray, so he was out there chatting for three hours while Nik destroyed Jesse's apartment with his noxious pee. Honestly, that tom cat is neutered but his pee takes on a powerful stench when he's outside of his garage domain. I love him and Chevy, who is an unpredictable but sweet feral, but those boys are permanent members of the garage. I drag them out to enjoy the Catio for awhile on nice days, but after this move, they both freak out at being in the Catio and prefer their garage club house... except for occasional forays into Jesse's world where they gaze out the window, or pee on something. *big sigh*

Not calling Dori a Tall Story Teller, but last I looked under the bed, the only thing under there was box beds and a few dust bunnies.  Or maybe ... MAYBE they cast a spell on their under-the-bed world, and I can't see what is really there. Hmmm. Something to think about.