Feeling Uninspired with Deadline Looming

 

What happens when a team of writers have a deadline, but their creativity is stalling? Let's listen in while the Wonderpurr Gang story editors struggle over getting the current Hot Topic to press.

KICK THE LITTER STORY EDITORS

RABBIT: So, what do we have so far?

ELLY: *reading notes from laptop* Claw-ful for awful. Cathletic for athletic. Fur real for for real. And everyone’s favorite… Purr-fect for perfect.

CANDY: What about Hiss-terical for Hysterical?

HERMAN: Hiss-tory for history.

RABBIT: Oh! Litter-gator for litigator. My pal Peanut aka @PretzelKitteh is actively looking into legal action to get Mom to stop pinning that cat pun on him.

DORI: *mumbling with eyes closed* No matter what’s happening in your life today, remember… you are not limited by your resources, your family or your background.

RABBIT: *to the group* Is she having a stroke?

DORI: Almighty God has equipped and empowered you. He has given you creativity, ideas, inventions… skills and talents.

CANDY: She’s trying to write a Wake-Up Call post. I can’t imagine the pressure she’s under having to switch gears from Bweaking Nooz to Wake-Up Call, to Letters from Dori, plus do an Intermew every couple of months. God! Inter-Mew. I’m sure Misty, Lisa and Sophie from @Misty.s_World cringed when they realized that’s what our blog calls Dori’s interviews.

DORI: Don’t you dare settle for a mediocre life!

RABBIT: Hey Dor – come up for air. You’re leaking.

DORI: *wipes nose and eye* The pine pollen is dreadful. Plus I'm sad cuz Dolly Meow is missing... again. 

*Jesse opens his mouth but Elly gives him "a look" and shakes her head.*

DORI: I've looked everywhere for her, but she's... gone! *heavy sigh* What is the Hot Topic we’re working on?

JESSE: Cat Puns. The scourge of feline social media accounts.

ELLY: Social meowdia accounts. *turns to glare at Frank draped over back of couch, snoring.* Frank! If you don’t contribute to this meeting, you won’t be included in the next Kick the Litter post.

FRANK: Zzzzzzzzzz

JESSE: Meowy ChrispMouse. Happy Yowlidays.

DORI: Purrrple. *sings softly and sad* Purrrple underpants. Purrrple underpants. Yoo haz to take a chance on Purrple Underpants… *heavy sigh* The song just follows me everywhere.

CANDY: Evfurry-where. *reaches for charcutier board* Hey! Who ate all the salami, pepperoni, and prosciutto?

FRANK: *farts loudly*

ELLY: *slaps laptop closed and moves to sit beside Dori* We need to focus, felines. So far all this post will be is us reciting this obnoxious list.

HERMAN: We could open with us having a *makes paw quotes* serious discussion using the cat puns to show just how ridiculous they are. Then segue to … what?

CANDY: *hurls a large olive across the room to bounce off Frank’s head* I really wanted that prosciutto.

RABBIT: We could segue to how these puns demean us. Among our peers, I mean. I know a guy named Bob who isn’t allowed to voice a single thought without thick kitteh-speak filled with cat puns. He’s intelligent with life’s experiences he could be passing along, but no. The dude has to mispronounce every word in every sentence. I’m thinking of starting a Go Fund Me for the dude to get him serious counseling.

DORI: *eyes closed* It’s not the circumstances that create Joy. It’s you. Collect moments, not things. Are you the devil’s deejay? Do you try to make others miserable? How are you to live with?

ELLY: We may need to start a Go Fund Me for Dori’s counseling.

JESSE: I’m ready for a break. My brain is steaming. Let’s go to the kitchen to see how the others are doing coming up with Hot Topic ideas.

KICK THE LITTER HOT TOPIC DEVELOPERS

CHEVY: Anyone want a slice of pizza? I got one loaded with salami, pepperoni, and prosciutto.

NIKOLAS: I’ll have a slice. You want some of my chicken tendies?

OPIE: Gidget, what do we have on the list so far?

GIDGET: *reading laptop* Peaches ordered a Double Down Sandwich combo. KC ordered a pot pie with a side order of biscuits. Nikky ordered the16 piece chicken tender meal but wanted double mac and cheese, hold the coleslaw…

OPIE: So, what you’re saying is… we have zero ideas for future Hot Topic discussions.

CHAUNCIEMARIE: Eezit mandatory we discuss topics that purrrtain to chats? We could talk about topics like … eez digital technology making ze enfant's lives better?

PEACHES: Teachers should be allowed to use a whacky paw on naughty kittens. I mean, children.

CHEVY: Children should be paid to go to school.

GIDGET: Books are better than television. That's what Mom says all the time.

OPIE: Good topics, but none will make the final cut when it goes to our Executive Producer. Gotta stick to cat-themed topics.

KC: Is animal experimentation justified? Should animals be allowed to experience pain for medical research?

PEACHES: Or human beauty? Should the fur industry be shut down? The leather industry?

KC: Should animals be used for food?

*everyone stops eating to stare at their meals*

CHAUNCIEMARIE: I feel nauséeuse.

OPIE: Congratulations. You two just sucked the joy out of every one of us. Come on! Think of something light we can discuss. We've been pretty heavy on past shows with topics like being FIV-positive, adopting purebreds over shelter cats, and adopting seniors instead of kittens.

*everyone visibly shudders*

GIDGET: What about the difficulties of hiring a pet sitter when you have a bakers dozen like we do?

OPIE: Good one! I really miss Michelle. She actually knew my name and would help me find my rainbow ball when it went missing. *stares for a moment into space, trying to remember where he last saw his favorite ball.*

PEACHES: How about we talk about cat facts? Teach the human readers things they may not know about us. Like… A house cat’s genome is 95.6 percent tiger, and we share many behaviors with our jungle ancestors, like scent marking, prey stalking, prey play…

KC: We walk like camels and giraffes. We move both of our right feet first, then move both of our left feet. No other animals walk this way.

CHEVY: Male cats are more likely to be left-pawed…

CHAUNCIEMARIE: Blache femme chats are more likely to be de la patte droite.

GIDGET: *typing into laptop* Translation please!

PEACHES: White female cats are more likely to be right-pawed.

OPIE: Great stuff! Anyone else?

NIKOLAS: Though we can notice the fast movements of our prey, it often seems to us that slow-moving objects are actually stagnant.

OPIE: I'm loving this! If we get enough of these fun facts, maybe we can call it a day in time to watch Judge Judy with Dad at four o’clock.

*everyone drops their food to concentrate*

PEACHES: We are nearsighted, but our peripheral vision and night vision are much better than that of humans.

OPIE: We are supposed to have 18 toes - five toes on each front paw plus four toes on each back paw.

GIDGET: We can jump up to six times our length.

CHEVY: Our claws all curve downward, which means we can't climb down trees head-first. Instead, we have to back down the trunk.

NIKOLAS: Our collarbones don’t connect to our other bones, as these bones are buried in our shoulder muscles.

KC: We have 230 bones, while humans only have 206.

PEACHES: We have an extra organ that allows us to taste scents on the air, which is why we stare at our humans with our mouths open from time to time.

CHAUNCIEMARIE: Chats have ze moustaches on ze backs of their front legs, as well.

GIDGET: TRANSLATION!

PEACHES: Whiskers, not moustaches.

CHAUNCIEMARIE: That eez what I said.

KC: We have nearly twice the amount of neurons in our cerebral cortex as dogs.

NIKOLAS: And we have the largest eyes relative to our head size of any mammal.

CHEVY: *chewing pizza open mouthed* We love pepperoni.

OPIE: Awesome job, everyone! I think we have enough to go watch tv with Dad. Be sure to clean up. We don't want Mom coming home to find we've eaten so she won't give us dinner.

HERMAN: To everyone joining us today, thank you for your time. If you’ve enjoyed today’s show, I invite you to share it with those who may also enjoy our panel discussions. And please consider adding your email to our list – located on the sidebar – so you don’t miss future Kick the Litter episodes.

RABBIT: I can't believe they ordered pizza without asking if I wanted some.

ELLY: You would've sat in the middle of the pie and spit on every piece so no one else could have a slice.

JESSE: Come on, guys! Judge Judy has started! I can hear her telling someone 'Um is not an answer!'

DORI: Thank yoo everyone for joining us today. 

Until Next Time…