A Frank Talk about Urinary Blockages

DORI: Welcome to Kick the Litter, a new feature here on It’s a Wonderpurr Life where members of our family, comprised of cats from varying backgrounds, generations, and breeds, gather each week to mix humor with intelligent debate over Hot Topics that pertain to not only us, but to cats in general all over the world. Hi evfurrybuddy, I’m yoor host, Dori, the Baba Wawa of the cat blogging world. *wavy paws*

HERMAN: Each week we choose our topics with the intention of educating human caretakers, many of whom have the wrong impression about caring for cats. Sadly, it’s an uphill battle, but we hope our debates will bring awareness and open dialogues among humans to benefit us all. Today’s subject for discussion is especially dear to those of us on this panel because five years ago this week we nearly lost a beloved member of our fam—

RABBIT: <zooms into room and jumps onto couch, knocking Herman to the floor> I’m here! What did I miss?

DORI: Nothing. Yoo aren’t on today’s discussion panel.

HERMAN: <eases to feet> Do you have any idea how rude you really are?

RABBIT: I’m not rude, I’m enthusiastic. So, what’s today’s Hot Topic? Why are cats afraid of cucumbers?

HERMAN: Don’t be stupid.

RABBT: I wasn’t one of over forty thousand Googling that question last month, dude.

HERMAN: Today’s Hot Topic is:

Feline Urinary Blockages Can Be Deadly

RABBIT: Naw. That’s not a good topic. How about Do Cats Fart?  Ten thousand average searches on Google last month. Lotsa people desperate to find the source of a bad smell in their living rooms.

HERMAN: *grumbling under breath* 

RABBIT: Did you say something big brofur? 

HERMAN: I’m not your big brofur. 

RABBIT: Grampa? 

HERMAN: Go back to where you came from! 

RABBIT: Momma’s room? 

HERMAN: She’s not your Momma. 

RABBIT: Mommy. MaMa. Meowmy. 

HERMAN: Stop it. 

RABBIT: Ma. Mum. Mummy. 

HERMAN: I swear, little man, if you don’t stop, I'm gonna pounce on your floofy tail and—

RABBIT: Motha. Moeder. Mere. Okaasan... 

DORI: Excuse me. We are twying to have a serious discussion. I came up with the idea for this show, so yoo gotta do what I say. And I want to have a Fwank talk about--- 

HERMAN: Wait. Not about… You know. The birds and the bees. He’s too young. 

RABBIT: What about the birds and the bees? 

DORI: Why did yoo think I was going to talk about sex? 

RABBIT: What’s sex?

HERMAN: Because you said you wanted to have a Frank talk. 

RABBIT: Is sex something to eat? I’m hungry. Got any meat sticks?

DORI: I meant I wanted to talk about our bwofur Fwank and his twansgender surgery. 

RABBIT: Did you know you have a speech impediment? 

HERMAN: Dori, Frank didn’t have surgery to switch genders. Five years ago he almost died from a third urinary blockage in twelve months. 

RABBIT: So, transgender is about sex? 

DORI: Yes. 

HERMAN: No! Well… We aren’t talking about that surgery. We’re talking about how Frank had to undergo an emergency perineal urethrostomy.

RABBIT: Whoa! Now those are definitely ten dollar words. Bet you can't use them in a rhyme. Do they have something to do with emergency sex? 

DORI: Yes. 

HERMAN: No. Dori-- *pulls at his whiskers with frustration* Let’s talk about Frank’s surgery and how he’s doing five years later.

DORI: Listen Mister Bossy Pants, I picked the topic for today’s show. We will talk about what I want to talk about. 

HERMAN: You’re right. I’m sorry. What do you want to talk about?

DORI: Fwank’s surgery and how he’s doing five years later.

RABBIT: Can we talk about sex now? 

HERMAN: Shhh… Adults are talking. Dori, do you remember what happened, right before Frank was rushed to the ER?

DORI: *closes eyes* I wemember it was a Sunday morning. I saw Fwank wrassling Rabbit under Mom’s foots while she was making bweakfast. Then I saw Fwank in the litter box. He was in there a long time. 

HERMAN: What did Mom do? 

DORI: She was busy and didn’t notice at first. Then Fwank took a nap in the fwont window for the afternoon. At dinnertime Mom fed us— 

RABBIT: How come I have to eat in my ZenDen? 

HERMAN: Because you’re a feline garbage disposal and will clean our plates before we’re finished eating.

RABBIT: I’m a baby. I’m growing as we speak. 

HERMAN: A baby? You’ve five years old and over fifteen pounds. You're bigger than any one of us.

DORI: *opens one eye* I'm still wemembering. *closes eye* After Fwank ate dinner, he went into the litter closet and again, he was in there a weally long time. This time I got Mom’s attention and pointed this out. She hovered over him, but nothing was coming out. When he stepped out, she reached down to feel his bladder and he cried. That’s when Mom rushed him to emergency. 

HERMAN: You’re a hero. 

DORI: I am? 

HERMAN: If you hadn’t pointed out to Mom that Frank was having problems, she might not have noticed until too late. As it was, the emergency vet couldn’t insert a catheter into Frank’s pee-pee because it was blocked. They think maybe from scar tissue from his other two urinary blockages. 

DORI: I’m sure any one of us would have told Mom. 

HERMAN: But it was you who did. So, what happened after Fwank's surgery? 

DORI: *hangs head, mumbling* 

HERMAN: What did you say? 

DORI: I said, Fwank turned into an Alien.

HERMAN: Alien? Where did you hear that? 

DORI: *points to Rabbit* 

RABBIT: It’s true. I saw him get beamed up to a spaceship. 

 

HERMAN: You did not. 

RABBIT: I did so. I even followed him to his Intergalactic space station. 

HERMAN: Rabbit, you are so full of horse puckey. 

RABBIT: And you have no sense of humor. 

HERMAN: What? I have a sense of humor. 

RABBIT: *raises brows* Sure you do. Not. 

HERMAN: Listen AssRabbit. I was responsible for Wonderpurr.com being a 2017 Blogpaws Nose to Nose Finalist for Best Humor Blog. 

RABBIT: Did you win? 

HERMAN: *mumbles* 

DORI: We didn't win. 

RABBIT: Because he has no sense of humor. 

HERMAN: Why you little-- 

DORI: Hwermie. It’s twue about Fwank being an alien. I wemember peeking inside Daddy’s man cave and I saw him. He had some kind of alien thingy hanging around his neck. I ran when I saw him. 

HERMAN: That wasn’t an alien thingy. That’s called the Cone of Shame. It was meant to stop Frank from licking his stitches. If he licked them, something dire could happen. 

 

DORI: So, Fwank isn’t an alien? 

HERMAN: No. He's still Frank. 

RABBIT: Sex! 

HERMAN: What? 

RABBIT: I’m bored with this convo. Let’s talk about something funner. Like, do cats really have nine lives? Over thirteen hundred Google searches last month. 

HERMAN: Dori, did Mom tell you what happened after Frank came home from surgery? 

DORI: She told me he wefused to use the litter box. She had shwedded newspaper in there, but yoo know Fwank. He’s a picky pussycat. So, Momma called the vet and he said go buy Yesterday’s News litter. It’s at Petco for $20 for a 30-pound bag. But she got the Petco brand, 25 pounds for $12. 

HERMAN: Did Frank use it? 

DORI: Of course not! He’s got a weputation to maintain. He wasn’t going to make any of this after surgery stuff easy for Momma. 

HERMAN: He didn’t go pee pee at all? 

DORI: Nope! He’s got a cast iron bladder, you know. 

HERMAN: I’ve heard. So, what happened? I recall seeing Mom hustle him out the door the following day. 

DORI: When it got to be over 48 hours and he still hadn’t done his bizness, Momma took him all the way back to the surgeon. That meant draping a big blue tarp in the back of the van and putting a litter box in there along with a roll of papurr toweling. 

RABBIT: Is that standard procedure? 

HERMAN: Frank gets very car sick, poor guy. 

DORI: But the good news was, he peed and poo’d in the box all the way to the surgeon.

RABBIT: *giggles behind paws* 

HERMAN: What’s so funny? 

RABBIT: She said poo. 

DORI: The vet said he would be a little bloody for a while, but that was normal. He got medicine for the pain, but then, later that night Fwank used the News litter box without Mom begging him. 

HERMAN: I recall hearing him around 2AM yowling and scratching at the man cave door. 

DORI: Fwank doesn’t like to sleep alone. I wemember Momma went in and curled up with him on the couch until he fell asleep. 

HERMAN: Awwww. 

RABBIT: Awwww. 

HERMAN: Don't repeat after me. 

RABBIT: Don't repeat after me. 

HERMAN: Stop it! 

RABBIT: Stop it! 

DORI: Stop it both of yoo! Fwank was supposed to go back for a checkup after fourteen days, but in the meantime, he started to stink weally bad. Momma ended up taking him back ah-gain...and this time the surgeon said his stitches didn't dissolve correctly, and his flesh was rotting.

RABBIT: Cool! Like, is he a Zom now? Will his tail fall off, and his ears? 

HERMAN: Rabbit, Frank's surgery happened five years ago. If he was a Zom, you would have been eaten by now. 

RABBIT: Awww. hekk! Hey, anybuddy want to wrassle? I got energy to burn! 

DORI: Not me! Yoo play rough. 

RABBIT: What about you, Grampa? Wanna wrassle? 

HERMAN: Sure. 

DORI: Wait. What? 

HERMAN: Sure, Rabbit. I’ll wrassle with you. But you said you’re hungry. 

RABBIT: Starvy! 

HERMAN: Then I think you should have a snack first. *pulls out a meat stick* 

RABBIT: *opens mouth* 

HERMAN: Oh, you can’t eat it here on our nice clean Kick the Litter set. You’ll make a mess. Better you go into your ZenDen to enjoy your delicious, meaty snack. 

RABBIT: *zooms into ZenDen* 

HERMAN: *tosses meat stick inside and locks the door. Returns to the set where he offers Dori a meat stick.*

DORI: Thank yoo, Hwermie.

RABBIT: *shouting from ZenDen door.* Grampa! I'm finished. I'm ready to wrassle. Hello? Gram-paaaa! 

DORI: Are yoo absolutely sure Fwank isn’t an alien? 

HERMAN: Trust me, honey. Frank isn’t an alien. 

 

DORI: It's been five years since Fwank's emergency pee-pee surgery. During that time he has had several U.T.I.'s, but no more blockages. Since Fwank was a four-year-old stray when he came to live with us in 2014, he's extremely fortunate that Momma has made his pee-pee her bizness. The surgery is expensive, but evfurrybuddy knows our Fwank is worth so much more than any dollar amount. Like Momma says, when yoo wescue someone, yoo agree to take care of them all their lives. Not just when it's convenient and yoo can afford it.

HERMAN: If you know of a cat who has repeat urinary tract infections, please talk to your veterinarian about their risk for blockages. If you see your cat in the litter box for a long time, please don’t hesitate to have them examined by a professional. Waiting too long could put them at serious if not fatal risk.

DORI: For more information about perianal urethrostomy surgery please visit these links:

https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/perineal-urethrostomy-surgery-in-cats

https://www.vin.com/apputil/content/defaultadv1.aspx?pId=22915&catId=124679&id=8896824

DORI: Let us know in the comments if you’ve ever experienced a risky urinary blockage. I’m talking about yoor kittehs, not hoomons. Sowwy. T.M.I.

HERMAN: To everyone joining us today, thank you for your time. If you’ve enjoyed today’s show, I invite you to share it with those who may also enjoy our panel discussions. And please consider adding your email to our list – located on the sidebar.

DORI: Thank yoo evfurrybuddy for joining us today.

Until Next Time…