Black Cat Diary of a Horrible Mornin'

Frens, dis be me, Jesse da Toofless Wonder. Nice to meet ya'll. Ah doan get much oppurrtoonitty to get off da kitchen counter an' socialize, but Ah had a rough mornin' an' so Ah'm takin' control of today's blog post.

It all started when ma Mama dragged me out of ma loft condo ‘n stuck me in a Bad Box. Bad Boxes only come out for visits to Doktor Feelgood. Affer a long drive in da car... Yup. That’s where Ah ended up.

While waitin’ ma Mama attacked ma claws with special clippurrs. Lemme tell ya, Frens, when you don’t have teef you gotta grow some pawerful murder mittens to protect yerself from ex-street thugs like Frank ‘n pretty lil scary grrrls like Dori (although she’s simmered down a lot and Ah’m not bothered about her no more.)

At home Ah’m verra determined not to give up even a small piece of ma claws - Ah eben put a formidable bitey on Mama once but she laughed ‘n said it tickled; so cruel to hear when Ah wuz being ferocious. Anyway, ma Mama be a sneaky Yankee grrrl ‘n quickly robbed me blind of ma claws while Ah was on da table tryin’ hard not to cry.

Once robbed of ma nails I wuz feelin’ vulnerable when Doktor and her ebil assistant arrived. I hunkered down flat on ma belly hoping they wouldn’t see me. Alas, Ah’m a handsome boi, so they noticed me right away.

They checked me over, and eben poked something cold up my cornhole. That did nothin’ to endear them to me, not at all.

Ah confess Ah wuz a bit stressed even though Ah behaved like da Southern gentlemancat Ah am. Doktor was actually verra nice. And her ebil assistant wuz sweet ‘n gib me some Temptations to enjoy on ma ride home.

Doktor spent awhile listening’ to ma heart. Said at first she thought Ah had a loud murmur. But then it got hard to hear, so she thinks Ah might’ve been wurked up. Ya think? Affer all Ah wuz put through?!?

She made a note for ma chart, so sadly Ah suspect Ah will see her again in da future.

On way home Ah sang along wif da radio, verra proud to know da wurds ‘n keep in tune eben when Mama tried to drown meowt.

At home Ah got a chimken Churu to enjoy, and wuz so excited to have survived the morning, instead of heading up to ma loft condo, Ah trotted around da kitchen wif ma tail in da air, eben wif Frank gibbing me stern looks. Frank is a no-nonsense guy and don’t put up with any frisky behaviors.

So now Ah’m gonna go write in ma journal about what a brave boi Ah am, and then take a nap.

Hope you enjoy your day. Lubs, Jesse The Toothless Wonder