Official Invitation to August to Join the 'BER Months

Dear August,

This is Dori, *wavy paws*. I know this is short notice, but I would like yoo to formally join the ’BER Months by changing yoor name to AugtoBER.

Here are my reasons why this would be a good move for yoo.

There are no major federal holidays celebwated during the month of August. Other than Homemade Pie Day on the 1st, and Inpurrnational Cat Day on the 8th… and maybe Wurld Honeybee Day on the 19th because they are in danger of being extincted, along with International Homeless Animals Day which hurts my heart to think of animals being homeless, August isn’t a month where hoomons get an official day off along with an excuse to overeat and dwink wine and be silly.

Balloons to Heaven Day on the 6th is a very bad idea, August. Them rubber floaty things end up in lakes and oceans and eff up aquatic life. Apologies for saying a bad wurd but, I’m vewy serious.

Cwackers Over the Keyboard Day on the 28th is just plain silly. And National Dan Day on the 31st leaves me with so many questions: Who is Dan? Where does he live? What did he do that was special enough to get a day named after him? And are all hoomons named Dan being celebwated on that day, or only just one guy named Dan? Also, what about kittehs and doggos named Dan? Are they getting celebwated too? Thinking about this hurts my bwain, August.

Now, here are my reasons why yoo should change yoor name to AugtoBER.

The ‘BER Months start in SeptemBER where children go back to school. They get new clothes and new school supplies and start talking about what costume they will wear on Halloween and what kind of pie they like best for Thanksgiving and what they want Santa Claus to bwing them for Christmas.

August, if yoo join the ‘BER Months, yoo will usurp the usual excitement related to SeptemBER by being the first to get everyone excited with anticipation for the change that’s coming from hot and sweaty weather to cooler temperatures where leaves change to pwetty colors and noms become delicious and cweative like sugar cookies made to look like slices of punkin pie.

The ‘BER Months typically get hoomons thinking about Christmas, so they get out their notebooks and start planning lists on what to buy, and what to bake, and what photos will be on their Christmas card or what family achievements they will brag about in their Holiday newsletter. 

If yoo joined the ‘BER Months, August, maybe we could finally get yoo a legitimate National Holiday called Get Excited for HollowThanksMas where everyone spends that day planning costumes, what pie they will serve after turkey noms, and sorting out who belongs on the Nice List as opposed to the Naughty List.

Anyway, AugtoBER -- I’m calling yoo AugtoBER to let yoo try it on and see how it fits – I realize this is last minute, but I sincerely hope yoo will abandon yoor hot, sweaty, no-nothing existence among the summer months, and come join the Fun Months. Come be a ‘BER and I promise yoo will have no regrets.

Sincerely, Dori, President of the ‘BER Months Fan Club