Hi Furends! This is Dori *wavy paws!*
The other day I was shredding an old
AARP magazine when I spied an article about how 85% of hoomons are confident
they can spot an imposter, but the majority flunk an Imposter IQ quiz. Fwankly,
I’m worried.
These hoomons are responsible for keeping us in the luxury of which we are accustomed to. If they get swindled by con artists, they will have less to spend on us.
I consider it my pawblic doody to
inform yoo of nefarious ways these fakers are taking advantage of our doddering
hoomons, so yoo can be on the look out and stop the fakers before they steal
the treats right out of your moufs!
Here are ways AARP says our hoomons are being fooled by fakers. (I’ve shredded the magazine so I’m pawraphrazing here.)
Jury Doody
Official Sounding Faker: “This is
Judge Judy Wapner calling from the county courthouse. You’ve missed jury doody.
Either pay $300 now, or go to prison.”
Utility Company Scam
Official Sounding Faker: “We have a
utility truck parked in your neighborhood, ready to shut off your electricity
if you don’t pay the past-due amount on your bill tonight.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Gosh! It’s
seven o’clock. It’s supposed to go below freezing tonight! I thought I paid my
account, but I trust you. Here’s my credit card, my Social Security Number and
the password to my online bank account.”
The Gov’mint Faker
Official Sounding Faker: “I’m
calling to notify you of your unclaimed property with our state.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Unclaimed
property! Is it from Aunt Margaret’s estate? She just passed away, and all she
left me was her collection of Neil Diamond records. I don’t have a record
player. Plus I never liked Neil Diamond.”
Official Sounding Faker: “I can
release Aunt Margaret’s property to you, if you pay $300. I will also need her
Social Security number.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh dear! I
don’t have her Social Security number.”
Official Sounding Faker: “No
problem! I can check it through yours. I will also need your credit card number
and bank account password.”
The Ticket Scalper
Official Sounding Faker: “We
represent Star Struck Tickets, and you’ve been chosen to get seats for the Ed
Sheeran concert for a huge discount, if you act quickly.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Gosh! I’d
love to take you up on your offer, but… Who is Ed Sheeran?”
Official Sounding Faker: “Some
British singer. I also have Pink tickets.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Does a pink
ticket cost less than other colors?”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “I’m prone to
migraines.”
Official Sounding Faker: “Justin
Bieber?”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Will he take
his shirt off? I don’t like tattoos.”
Official Sounding Faker: “What about
Susan Boyle?”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh, does she
sing too? I just loved her as Erica Kane on All My Children.”
Official Sounding Faker: “I’m not
supposed to do this, but if you act now… You can have two Whitney Houston
tickets for the price of one. All I need is your credit card, your Social
Security Number and your password to your bank account.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Sold!”
The Bank Faker
Official Sounding Faker: “We have
detected a problem with your accounts. We will need you to verify your personal
information.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh dear. I
will hurry right over.”
Official Sounding Faker: “No! We
need you to verify over the phone so we can confirm you are you, and fix the
error.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Okay. What
information do you need?”
Official Sounding Faker: “Your bank
account number, starting with the 9-digit routing number. We will also need you
to verify your date of birth and driver’s license number.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Do you also
need my Social Security Number?”
Official Sounding Faker: “You
betcha!”
The Kitten Breeder
Official Sounding Faker: “Our blue ribbon purebred Turkish Van, Hermione, just had a beautiful litter of purebred kittens. They are usually sold for $700 a piece, but for today only, you can have a kitten for $200!”
The Lottery Winner Faker
Official Sounding Faker: “I
represent the Ontario lottery, and I’m excited to tell you that you’ve won $1
million! All you have to do is pay the import tax and fee, and we’ll send you
your winnings.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “This is so
exciting! I’ve never won anything. How much is the import tax and fee?”
Official Sounding Faker: “Only
$500.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh dear.
That’s a lot of money.”
Official Sounding Faker: “One
million dollars is a lot more money.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “I know, but…
I’m supposed to take Frisky for his shots tomorrow. I may not have enough to
pay both your fee and his veterinary bill.”
Official Sounding Faker: “Well, you
sound like a nice person, so… I’m going to do something I’m not supposed to do.
I will change the fee to $300, but only if you ACT NOW. Think of all the treats
and toys you could buy Frosty with one million dollars?”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “It’s Frisky,
but for one million dollars, I’ll change his name! Here’s my credit card
number.”
Official Sounding Faker: “I will
also need your date of birth and Social Security Number to verify you are who
you say you are. You know how the government is.”
The Police or Fire Department Fakers
Official Sounding Faker: “We’re
raising money for local officers/firefighters injured in the line of duty. How
much will you be donating today?”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “How can I say
no?”
The IRS Faker
Official Sounding Faker: “Our
records show you are at grave risk for large fines for unpaid taxes. You must
settle this situation immediately to avoid going to jail.”
Our Doddering Hoomon: “Oh dear! Do
you take American Express?”
Stranger Danger!
AARP says never listen to a pitch
from a stranger, be it on the phone, in person, or over the internet, without
first independently verifying they are legitimate. They didn’t indicate in the
article exactly how to verify they’re legitimate, so my advice is to tell them
that before you commit to anything, especially giving them money, yoo will
first need to call their corporate office to verify the offer. And not necessarily
a phone number they give yoo, either. Honestly! Do I have to think of
everything? Go Google how to avoid getting scammed. Google won't steer you
wrong! *coughs into paw*
For me, the best way to never be a
victim is to consider whatever they’re selling to be a scam—and walk away with
your tail in the air.
So! How vulnerable are your hoomons
to official sounding fakers? Have them click on the link below to take the
Imposter IQ Quiz to find out.
Pee Ess. My hoomons got 100% right
on the quiz, so tonight we’re celebrating with Starkist toona noms.
Before I leave, I want to wish my daddy a very Happy Birthday!
He's not old, just funny in the head.
-quoting my mom
Until Next Time...
