An AssRabbit Plot to Fool Santa

Slobber Pillows and Zoomies

Dear Friends,

Bweaking Nooz! Christmas is only 19 sleeps away, so if yoo are stalling to buy presents or write greeting cards, I encourage yoo to get yoor act together today, cuz eating a daily bowl of stress is no way to spend the approaching holidays.

Sadly, not everyone takes my advice. Momma didn’t design our Christmas card until two weeks ago, and then, despite calling the company to make sure envelopes were included with postcards, the envelopes did not arrive. However, because customer service was wrong, they refunded the cost of shipping. So, Momma then jumped on Prime to get them delivered the next day. And, of course, she padded that order with a few things because let’s face it, stress requires comfort, be it sugar, likker, or a little shopping spree.

'Tiz the Season to Be Bizzy

Dear Frens,

I hope by now yoo have recovered from Thanksgiving dinner where yoor tummy pushed the limits of how far yoor pants could stretch. 

At my house there was not a turkey in sight, other than in the cans of Fancy Feast our momma opened. This year my pawrents opted for Cornish Game Hens, but with the usual trimmings. Daddy did most of the cooking and Momma let him, thankful to have a husband who actually wants to cook. After years of being in the kitchen during their restaurant years, Momma swore if she never had to cook anything beyond quiche or soup, she would be happy to pass the tongs to someone else.

Thankful to be Naturally Sweet

Bweaking Nooz! Yes, I know it's time for Tuesdays with Dori, but there has been a great upset at my house and so I must inpurrrupt yoor normally scheduled progwam for ...

Last week my pawrents celebwated their annipurrsary of being meowied to each other for--  I wasn't able to get a direct quote, but I did overhear joocy rumors of  them having known each other for at least one hundred years. 

Lost in Translation

Dear Frens, this is Dori. *wavy paws*. I hope this week has started off on a good foot for yoo, without the usual drama that accompanies Mondays. Purrsonally, I don't understand the growling over the first day of the work week, but then I've never worked a day in my life. 

In fact, I don't know the meaning of work. But that's another topic for another day. Today I feel I must address something I became aware of while eavesdropping on my pawrents over the weekend. 

To set the scene, I was draped over the sofa arm with my attention focused on Momma's dinner plate while Daddy sat a few cats down at the opposite end of the sofa, shoveling his food into his mouth as fast as he could while ChauncieMarie leaned heavily into him, hoping for a bite to fall into her mouth.

The Chubby Chonkers Club and How I Lost 3 Pounds with a Purrsonal Trainer

Hi evfurrybuddy, it's me Dori *wavy paws* with another episode of Tuesdays with Dori, plus all the joocy gossip I could find while prowling the inpurrnet.

This past week I ran into fellow reporter Latte, host of News with Latte, and she told me her pawrents have started calling her a Chonkers "Fun Size" while her sisfur Ellie Mae is a "full-size" Chonkers candy bar. According to Latte, their Momma Kat is either shooing Latte away from Ellie's plate, or chasing Ellie around with a plate to get her to eat. Clearly Ellie is very pawtikular about privacy while dining, as she doesn't like being stared at while she puts food into her mouth.

I ask yoo, what woman enjoys being watched while eating? When was the last time we saw video of  Jennifer Lopez horking a bowl of plain M&M's? Actually, I heard a rumor from my Hollyweird connections that J-Lo throws tantrums when hotel maids dare to give her peanut M&M's.